Initial dating section:
1: communicate what you want and think clearly and openly. If the person you’re dating demands that you read their mind I can’t help you there. On our first date we agreed that we would never expect the other to know what we haven’t verbalized and it is a total life saver.
2: be confident in your self and don’t self deprecate even when joking. This person wants to know they made a good decision being with you and being timid or overly humble only works in anime
3: make an effort to look and smell good. It’s ok if you seem to have made an effort and it’s a compliment in its own way. just don’t overdo it with the scent. They should smell you when hugging. Not across the room!
4: Have fun and try to get them to have fun with you. Don’t sacrifice your enjoyment completely for them because that’s not sustainable in a relationship and neither is the inverse. It should be fun like a play date where you want to bone each other.
5: don’t even think about dating someone if you aren’t sure they are into you. Go ahead and ask them if they are into you. It’s not nearly as awkward as tv and movies make it out to be and can save a lot of heartache. If they say no then move on even if you think they don’t know you well enough. The physical attraction is nearly immediate and a good relationship has at least some. No matter how unattractive you think you are there’s more people into you than you know. My wife thinks dad bods and overly hairy chests are sexy. Everyone is somebody’s type/kink.
6: communicate more. Give open compliments about things they do that you like and their appearance. Be specific. Saying “you’re pretty” is fine but telling someone they have beautiful eyes or lips or a killer ass is better. It won’t be creepy if you already made sure they are into you and it’s nice to hear what your best features are. Saying they have nice full lips and following up by saying they look like they would be fun to kiss is a great way to ask for a kiss too.
7: ask them about their boundaries and respect them! If she said she doesn’t want to have sex on the first date then don’t make a move for sex unless she verbally tells you she changed her mind. Or if she doesn’t like it when you do something it isn’t cute to tease her about it until you are really close and are fully aware of where her real limits are. Even then it’s iffy.
Long term relationship section:
Make it your job to be better at sex. It’s always worst the first couple of times because you’re still learning about each other but you should put in the work to make it better for both of you as fast as possible through communication and experimentation. It’s your sex life too. Toys can be a lot of fun and in now way mean you’re bad at sex. If it helps, treat it like a competition where the winner makes the other orgasm more. Win at sex because a good sex life will 100% help keep your relationship in good working order.
Be your own person which is to say don’t be a relationship chameleon and adapt all their traits to try and make them like you more. It will either end in you resenting them because you’re constantly doing things you don’t actually like or they don’t respect you and leave/cheat on you because you’re basically just a “yes man”.
Try to share experiences as much as possible and talk about them to gain consensus that will help you grow closer. However, don’t feel like you have to be together all the time. We frequently ask each other for some alone time.
Communicate communicate communicate. Make sure no topic is taboo and your partner knows this. Know yourself and if you are feeling sad, sick, uneasy or grumpy say so as soon as you realize. Even if you don’t know why you can say you will explain as soon as you figure out why because this WILL save you from a lot of arguments. Similarly, an agreement early on to never expect the other to read your mind has prevented a metric ton of “you should have known” arguments. The more you practice this, the more self aware you will both become which makes it even easier. Going to therapy also helps. Even perfectly healthy people could benefit from the opinions of an intelligent, unbiased listener who can never share what they hear.
Don’t keep secrets. Just don’t. You’ll have to remember them for one and for two you’re partner won’t know who you are if you keep too many. If you still like porn even though you can have sex anytime with them just say it. If you wish you went out to more restaurants or think your coworker is sexy say it (carefully). They should feel they can trust you completely to disclose everything and whenever someone tells you a secret you should make it clear that you won’t be keeping it from your SO. Your partner is just that and discussing everything will grow your relationship and help you make better decisions in general. Two heads really are better than one.
Try not to fight. its fine to disagree but if one of you starts yelling or seems too angry to communicate you need to talk them down or let them cool off before anything can be resolved. Try to find the root of every issue and either fix it or compromise when you disagree. Admit you’re wrong if you realize your wrong and ask them to do the same. Your egos shouldn’t take priority over a partner you love or your relationship.
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