Everybody wants more for their lives, but they’re unwilling to put forth the effort necessary to gain more.
The cause for this is primarily two things, that if you address, will drastically improve the quality of your life, the people within it, and the things you’re able to enjoy within your life.
Mindset and Mental Focus.
Mindset is important, because fundamentally, what you believe of yourself, and what you’re capable of, is exactly what you’ll gain and achieve in life. Now, this fact is hard for some people to accept and believe, because they believe that they already think about changing their lives enough to warrant different circumstances in their lives.
- I already think about getting a girlfriend all the time, so why don’t I have one?
- I already think about being more confident and stable in myself, so why do I still struggle with it?
- I already think about making more money and being rich, so why aren’t I rich yet, or at least making more money?
- I already think about having a nicer car all the time, so why don’t I have one yet?
- I already think about working out more and having a great body, so why isn’t my body great yet?
- I already think about eating healthier and cleaning up my diet, so why is it still so hard?
- I already think about becoming disciplined and motivated towards my goals, so why am I still lazy? Why do I still procrastinate?
The answer to these questions, is because while you do sometimes think about having more in your life, the things you focus on are mainly thoughts of lack and neediness.
- You aren’t thinking about the qualities you should cultivate into your life in order to attract more high quality women. You’re thinking about how every woman you find attractive turns you down, and how you’ll never find a great woman.
- You aren’t thinking about how to gain confidence and become more comfortable with yourself in a practical way. You’re thinking about all the times you’ve embarrassed yourself and felt unworthy. You’re constantly looking at other people who are more confident than you, and comparing yourself.
- You aren’t thinking about how you can earn more money at your current job, or thinking about a business idea you can work towards to earn a higher standard of living. You’re thinking about how much your job sucks, and how unfair the pay is. You’re thinking about how lucky you’d be if you were to win the lottery, and wouldn’t have to work anymore for the rest of your life, and then sulk about the fact that it will probably never happen.
I could go on, but I think you get the point. It isn’t enough to simply think about your circumstances, you need to think of them in a productive way. There’s no point to complaining about where you’re at. If your social life is empty, so be it. If you’ve never had a girlfriend, boo-hoo. If your job sucks and is sucking your soul from your body, fine. If you lack self confidence, and don’t have any motivation or drive to do anything, well, you’re just like 90% of the world. You aren’t special because you’re suffering with the same cluelessness and pain that just about everybody else goes through.
It’s simply reality that your life isn’t where you want it to be. So since you’re aware of that reality, instead of bitching about it, and how unfair it all is, drop all that shit, and start looking for ways to change your circumstances. Stop ruminating in useless thoughts of comparison and complaining. You’ve got to start looking at your life in ways that solve your problems, no bring constant awareness to them.
Your job sucks? Yeah, you know. You think that every day. So how can you change that? What actions can you take today to start working towards a better mindset, or a different job, or your dream job, or a different environment entirely?
It’s not always going to be big steps, but any step at all is better than standing still and complaining about how you wish things were different. Everybody wishes their lives were better than they currently are. But only a few take control of their mindsets, and put it to work for them instead of against them.
Once you understand that your mindset needs to be adjusted, then you can look at mental focus, which is why you never really can find that constant motivation and drive to do the things you know you need to do. Focus is important, but also simple.
Last week, you promised yourself that you’d start going to the gym, or studying more, or eating healthier. You promised yourself you’d do it for some personal cause, and you thought about all the things you’d be able to do with this new development. You came to terms with how shitty your life would continue to be if you didn’t make a change, and come the next day, you got started, with a fire in your stomach to stick with it, this time.
But 2 weeks later, you find you’re right back where you started. Why? Is it because you’re meant to be a piece of shit for the rest of your life? Is it because you aren’t meant to be one of the “healthy” people? One of the “fit” people? One of the “successful” people?
No. It’s because you lost focus.
The day before you to took action towards your promise, you reflected on a lot of shit. You thought about your life, and where it is now. You thought about where you wanted to be, and why you weren’t there yet. You thought about all the mistakes you’ve made, and how those mistakes screwed your life up bit by bit. You thought about how badly you wanted to change. You envisioned a life where you followed through on your promises from now on. You envisions who you’d be in 3-6 months, following through with your fitness, diet, social, personal goals. You envisioned all the improvements you’d gain in your life, all the people you’d be around, all the women you’d cause to fall for you, all the family member’s who’d congratulate you, all the associates who’d look at you in jealousy.
All this internal reflection caused you to hone your focus on one primary thing. Your goal. You spent about 1-2 hours thinking about all this stuff, so naturally, it’s what you’re focused on, and what you focus on, your draw to you (mindset, remember?). So all that fire? All that motivation and drive? It was just your mind doing what it does, putting all it’s effort and energy on what you focus on.
So why do you lose that motivation and drive soon after gaining so much of it during the reflection period? Because once you finally make the last promise to yourself that this time is the final time, you stop reflecting. You foolishly believe that those 1-2 hours of intense reflection is going to provide you with all the drive and push you need to accomplish your life dream, goal, or ambition.
And in your foolishness, life punches you in the fucking mouth.
- Boom! Unexpected bill that you forgot to pay.
- Boom! Your girlfriend/boyfriend has been unhappy lately.
- Boom! Your mom is sick, and we don’t know how much time she has left.
- Boom! You’re having a harder time in that class because you can’t understand the subject material, so now your grade is falling.
Now you’re on the ground, shielding yourself from the hits.
- Boom! Now your stomach hurts from that thing you ate the other day. Gotta take a few days off from work.
- Boom! Now you’re not making money because you’re home sick. So you’ve gotta put in even more hours next week to pay rent at the end of the month.
- Boom! Plus your friends birthday is coming up, and you haven’t bought them anything yet.
- Boom! Also that girl you’ve been crushing on hasn’t been paying you too much attention lately. Maybe she found someone else..
Life doesn’t stop. Life doesn’t give you a pass and say, “Oh well since you have direction now, I’ll just let you go by and harass the next poor sucker”. It doesn’t work like that. Life doesn’t stop for anyone, and if you don’t constantly reaffirm for yourself what it is you want to focus on, primarily, life will always be happy to give you a million other things to think about in place of your dreams.
When you have those quarter-monthly crisises, where you suddenly look at your life and think to yourself, “What the fuck have I been doing? I need to make a change now.” That’s just the first step. All the planning you find yourself doing, all the reflection and visualization you do, it’s what fuels the internal fire within you, but that fire doesn’t last. That focus doesn’t last. It must be reapplied until your dream is achieved.
If the only time you really think about your goals is once every few months, when life takes a breather from beating your ass, you’ll never truly change anything. Because you aren’t giving your mind sometime to consistently focus on. You’re just giving it a short nice thought to ponder over, before life is finished with it’s break, and ready to hand you more fists.
You’ve got to take control of your mental focus, and reflect over the things you want, everyday. You’ve got to envision and visualize yourself achieving your goals, everyday. You’ve got to think about how bad your life will continue to be if you don’t take action, everyday. Because as you continue to apply that focus, that fire within you will continue to grow.
Do I have to do it every single day, forever?
No. Eventually, you’ll developed the habit and self discipline to just get shit done. But that’ll take about 3-4 weeks of constant reflection before you can let up. Until then, just understand the days you don’t control your focus, your focus is controlled by life, and whatever it happens to feel like throwing at you that day.