When you die and go to hell only to see your wife waiting for you
Plan B inside the uterus
When someone gets too chummy with me
When you creep on a chick and you see a date next to a heart emoji in her bio but then you find out it’s just the day her grandma died
Every time people try to eat or drink in my car
When I find a good pornstar I haven’t seen before
When I’m in line at a busy Subway and the guy in front of me orders 8 subs, all toasted
My 11 year old cousin’s reaction when I explain how incognito mode works
When I’m walking away after an argument and hear the person mutter something under their breath
When you shoot your shot in her DMs and think you miss but then a few hours later she resonds “Heyyyy”