The fear that holds you back doesn’t have to
Most men tell me they don’t approach for three main reasons:
- You feel you’re doing something wrong or shameful. You don’t want to creep a girl out or make her feel like you’re hitting on her. You don’t want to bother her. You’re worried what your friends, her friends, or people nearby might think.
- You don’t know what to say. You can’t seem to find the right words. You feel like you don’t know how to approach without something really cool or engaging to say.
- You’re worried about being rejected. You don’t want to face that moment when she shows you she’s not interested. Maybe you think she might even be harsh or disgusted.
But what if I could make all these hurdles disappear?
It starts by understanding all these problems are bullshit and don’t have to exist. They’re only real because of the way you view talking to new women.
Let me give you some examples. You’ve probably even been in situations similar to the following:
What if you got lost somewhere and had to get to an important appointment? You look around and the only person who can help you is a beautiful girl. You would likely ask for her help without hesitation.
What if you overheard a girl next to you talking about one of your favorite bands? Is there a good chance you’d get excited to tell her how you’ve seen them twice and they were incredible live?
Imagine you saw an attractive woman fall down on the street and she dropped her things. You probably wouldn’t hesitate to help her and make her feel better about it.
So really, you’re not always afraid of approaching attractive women because in the right context, you’d talk to them. That’s the missing piece to all of this.
The “conquest” mindset is the root of your struggles
The real issue is that when you see a girl you want to talk to, you’re subconsciously trying to win her approval.
You want her to like you in the same way that you find her attractive. Which deep down, also means you’re thinking about her in a sexual way.
That mindset causes all this anxiety. When you’re approaching a woman as just a conquest, of course you’re going to feel like you’re doing something shady!
It makes you feel like a predator. It makes you feel like you’re trying to coerce or manipulate a girl into wanting you.
Then inherently, you’re going start thinking of manufactured lines to achieve that goal because you’re not in the moment organically trying to connect. This further makes you feel disingenuous and like a fraud.
Finally, you’re going to be overwhelmed by the fear of rejection because that’s the only thing that matters with your current mindset.
So you need to change your intentions to fix your mindset.
In those earlier scenarios when you weren’t worried about saying hi to a girl, getting approval wasn’t your primary goal. You were trying to CONNECT with her.
You just needed help. Or you were trying to help. Or you were so damn enthusiastic about meeting someone with a commonality you didn’t hesitate.
In those moments, you’re being a normal human being so there’s nothing to feel bad about.
You can utilize those same intention to connect to proactively meet women. But you can’t pretend to be there for more than her approval, you actually have to feel that way.
You need to FEEL like going up to this girl is healthy and a positive experience for both of you.
Check out the rest of the article at Nick Notas