1. He seemed a bit shy but goofy,smart and genuinely kind when he approached me, so I agreed to go out and we hit it off at first. Deep, meaningful conversation about our personal challenges, him quickly meeting my friends and me being the first person he called after a family emergency. We were both pretty vulnerable, but things were seemingly progressing somewhat well.
One day he was on Tinder in bed next to me and when called on it, he said that dating me had made him realize that he needed more confidence and experience with women and thus needed to date a lot more different people, but that he only fucked the others at their houses, so I was obviously his no1. I freaked, cried and broke things off – he called me the next day to casually ask me out to the new Hunger Games movie.
I got an STD-screening the next week – he harassed me at work for another 6 months.
2. All the guys I have known or dated that felt it necessary to label themselves “nice guys” turned out to absolutely awful humans. Either they had a bad temper, horrible morals, or just didn’t want to take “no” for answer. One even turned out to be an emotionally abusive alcoholic.
The actual nicest guys I’ve dated or called friends were the ones who didn’t feel the need to label themselves “nice guy”. In fact, the best of them usually warned me and others that they were not all that nice, but always turned out to be the sweetest, most understanding, appreciative, and kind guys I’ve had the pleasure of knowing.
3. Had a “nice guy” on tinder who didn’t make it to date for the following reason.
He lived in a different city so he insisted on an all day date (lives about 50 mins away). I said I’m not comfortable subscribing to 8+ hours with someone I hadn’t met yet, but he kept insisting I had to make it worth his while to come through. At this point I said I can’t see it going anywhere and it was putting me under pressure and that made me feel a little uncomfortable, that realistically, it may not work out so let’s just leave it.
So then he says he’s gonna book a hotel and come through. Explained that’s sweet but it’s making me uncomfortable. So he says I can have the bed and hell be a gentleman and have the sofa… I explained that he seems to have the wrong idea, I’m not going to a hotel with him and I feel uncomfortable, I don’t want to meet. He continues to press, saying he is nice guy, he won’t make me have sex if I don’t want to. I say I don’t want to. I don’t want to go to a hotel. I don’t want to meet. It’s too much pressure, and for someone I’ve not met, I feel uneasy, thanks, good luck with your search…
But apparently I need to give him a chance. He’s willing to come all this way. I say no. He keeps finding new things to message me. Uses my phone number to add my snap chat and says he can see what street I’m on. At this point I start feeling very uneasy. I didn’t know I had location on. I block him. He messaged on something else so I say I’ve got back with my ex. ( I see my ex a lot, we are good friends, he’s happy to “have a word”) so he starts going on about my ex had his chance and blew it, he is a much nicer guy than my ex, he will treat me like a princess and worship me and my ex has blown it etc etc. I tell him this is my choice. Thanks and goodbye. Please don’t try to message me on anything else as it’s not appropriate and I’ve already blocked on 3 things.
Fast forward 4 months and I move cities. I get an Instagram message. It’s the nice guy saying he’s seen my on bumble in this new city and even though we haven’t matched it must not have worked out with my ex. He’s using Instagram and can see I’m near the station (Is that even a thing?!) And we should go on that date that I owe him.
Blocked again. Had a friend stay over that night.
4. Went on and on about what a great, compassionate guy he was. He was actually just your garden variety, abusive psycho.
He once said to me: “I wish you had been abused so you would realise how great I am”. What the fuck. Who says that?!
5. Not well. He was funny and friendly in public, but turned into a different person as soon as we were behind closed doors. He was basically your textbook abuser – manipulative, controlling, and demanding. He wanted to do some really weird and degrading (to me) sex stuff and acted like I was the psycho for not wanting to. He’d make angry comments like “I’m just trying to be romantic and YOU keep freaking out”. I got out of the relationship before he could hit or rape me, but no question that was what the future held. Oh, and he still insisted that he was the nicest guy I’d ever meet.
6. We met on Tindr and he convinced me he was such a nice guy and he was so misunderstood…the typical sob story.
He fatfished me with old photos, tried to convince me that I had autism and we would be “an amazing autistic couple.” I finished the date – politely making conversation while waiting for my half of the cheque.
At the end, I wouldnt let him walk me to my car. I walked him to the bus stop and waited for the bus to drive off before I left.
When I told him later that night that we didn’t really have chemistry, he begged for another chance. He told me he was really depressed and had to see me again because I helped him to feel happy. This is 110% emotional blackmail and I fell for it.
We met again, I was really uncomfortable the entire time but he tried to insist that I was the one for him if I would just meet him closer to his place. He kept trying to grab my waist and hands despite me saying No.
I was weirded out and eventually said goodnight. He went in for a kiss, but I ducked and walked the long way home.
He threatened suicide later that night and showed me his giant scar down his arm from when he had been unsuccessful previously.
I freaked out and blocked him.
He messaged me on Facebook a week later telling me that he thought we had chemistry and he hadn’t friended me yet because he thought it was creepy. So he waited and was messaging me as a final attempt to court me.
It was a wild ride.
7. He was one of the most manipulative people I ever dated. And I will never give another chance to any self proclaimed nice guy again. He kept positioning himself like he was just a nice guy so nothing he did could ever be wrong, hurtful, or rude.
8. I’ve dated several. All of them were manipulative, most were abusive, emotionally and mentally, one physically and sexually. They would constantly belittle my feelings and opinions, ignore me and blow me off, and get mad when I wanted to do my own thing. And god forbid another man pay me any attention, even if it was clear I was uninterested. It gave me a very warped sense of relationships and self. The constant gaslighting and the fact that pretty much all the people I was close to took their sides made me feel absolutely unreasonable and actually insane. Even though the most recent one was roughly 5 years ago, I still am realizing different ways it has damaged me.
A lot of the behaviors they try to pass off as nice are typically incredibly calculated. The will always try to get something from you later. There’s no unconditional anything. There’s no selfless acts. And god forbid you bring up that they said it was just cuz or that they’re using it against you. You are put on an impossibly high pedestal, acting human is punishable by anything from screaming to being kneed in the uterus as hard as they can. They will convince you that they are the nicest you will get cuz they are the nicest out there. There is no better for you. No one could ever possibly love them the way you do. They force you to depend on them. They leave cuz you’ve become too hard to love after everything they’ve put you through. You’re moodier and more withdrawn and miserable, even though most of them cite that your depression is what drew them to you. They wanted to fix you. To see that broken girl smile. They fetishize your sadness and then hate you when they make it worse.
Do not bother with these people.
9. I had dated one for about three weeks, shortly after a serious boyfriend seriously fucked me over. Looking back, it was like he sensed blood in the water with me being sensitive to assholes, and went in for the kill. Also, people have this thought process that nice guys are all basement dwelling fedora wearing neckbeards, when in reality a lot of them are decent looking, normal dudes, which is what this one was.
I got constantly accused of cheating because I was too pretty/smart/whatever for him, even though he was smart and good looking. I have been told multiple times I have one of those friendly, sweet faces, and it makes me always approachable. We could be out and some guy I don’t know could come up to me and ask for directions, I could explain where he wants to go, and he’d thank me and leave, and he’d think I was fucking him, because I knew I could do better, and was rubbing it in his face. The constant praise was also horrible; I’d be told I was a bitch if I wasn’t perfectly happy and wonderful all the time. I’d be brought around to be shown off to his friends, and then ignored once I stopped being amusing. Also dealing with hearing about how horrible he thought he was in comparison to me was so goddamn TIRING, you don’t even know.
The whole thing crashed and burned after I went on a new york trip for a weekend with a few friends, that was planned well before I started dating him.
I have a tattoo near my collarbone/just above my armpit of a cockade that’s the colors of the french flag, because I’m a theatre nerd and love Les Miserables. A guy saw my tattoo and asked if it was a Les Mis thing, and ended up finding out he was involved in the Broadway revival that was going to be happening the following year. We started a conversation that led to me and my two friends and this guy, his wife, and their buddy at a bar together. His wife took a picture of us talking with his hand on my arm looking excited and captioned it with something like ‘well, I’ve lost him to a fangirl’ on instagram and followed me so she could tag me in it, and I liked it.
I woke up the next morning to a wall of text, berating me, calling me a slut, saying I was cheating on him, etc. No idea what he was talking about. Reading through it hit me that he had been checking my instagram likes. I didn’t even know he had an instagram, because he had told me he didn’t. this guy had a secret instagram account so he could monitor my every move. When I freaked out on him about it he said he had to do it, because I was so much better than him, and he needed to know I wasn’t cheating on him because women are all bitches and I could find someone easily while he’d be stuck alone.
I broke up with him on the spot.