1. Life sucks. (37 years old). Most days, I consider killing myself for being such a waste of human existence. Ashamed of being a male human. Feelings of inadequacy.
Like I can’t believe I was the fastest sperm that came out of my father’s balls. Unable to attract a woman (despite no physical defects) in an age where casual sex is not just the norm, it is like breathing air. It feels like I wish I had some sort of disease or crippling physical defect that would at least give me an excuse for not having done it.
It has affected my confidence and self esteem (from work, to relationships with friends and family) and basically shattered me in ways not many would understand. The longer time passed (I am talking about my early 20’s), the more anti-social, afraid to just interact in the society I became. Women could sense the awkwardness, the shyness, they could sniff it out. Like I had a tattoo on my forehead that said “VIRGIN”
In my later 20’s, I became extremely bitter, full of hatred for myself, women, successful normal men.
In my 30’s, it became less about the sex and more about the not having any intimacy of any kind. Not knowing what it feels like to kiss a girl, make out, cuddle, anything.
So far I have refused to pay for it as then I think of it as being unable to naturally get a woman. It would still make me a freak. I have no issue with people paying for it, but usually people who pay for it, have already attracted women normally without it, and just want physical sex without effort of dating and etc…. So it is not the same.
2. Not quite 40 yet, soon to be 33. I never learned how to ask a girl out, even though several of them asked me out and it led to some very shallow relationships. In university I was in clubs that kept me very busy and had little time for a social life. Got into WoW for a year, picked up drawing as a hobby… And suddenly you are 27, work in an office where every girl is at least 40 and usually divorced with kids, without a social life and you honestly have no idea how to ask a girl out or even realize she is interested in you.
Fast forward 5 years. Relatively successful career, work 12 hour days and… well, nothing changed. I thought about helping nature a bit by paying for it. But the one time I ended up in a bar of ill repute, I was disgusted.
I am honestly not worried about not having had sex. I’m worried about living my entire life alone.
3. I’m a 30 year old dude, not quite 40+, but I’ve had a profound experience so far with being a virgin still.
At my work a lot of my girl co-workers liked to flirt and joke with me a lot, some even joke about hooking up. I feel strange dating/mating co-workers so I never really jumped on those chances. Nonetheless I get a lot of attention from the girls.
It wasn’t until I decided to hang out with one of them, one of the girls I knew that had a crush on me and we just had coffee. She starts talking about her past boyfriends and how she’s in her early 20’s and has already had a dozen of them. I was nervous and she asked me how many girlfriends I’ve had. I kept trying to dodge and weave but it just made her more persistent on asking me.
I finally admitted that I’ve never had a girlfriend before, I’ve never even been kissed before. She thought I was kidding. I wasn’t. When she realized what I am, she suddenly went from being attracted to being disgusted. Coffee ended shortly and she stopped talking to me since then.
Soon, all the girls stopped talking to me. They all started treating me like a leper. I went from being this guy that got a lot of attention to being a nobody, like I was dead. I felt it. They treated me like I was this gross human being. It’s like I grew this giant tumor on my face overnight that I can’t see but somehow it turns people off.
I get angry and frustrated because I often hear stories of guys who were rejected for having none to too little sexual experience, but I have never heard a story of a guy who was rejected for having too much.
My advice for young men. Lose it as soon as you can. If you can’t, lie. The older you are that someone finds out that you’re a virgin, the worse. I know a lot of people out there don’t see what the big deal is, but until you realize that other people treat you like a child, or when you are rejected by a girl when she finds out, well, you’re going to wish you went to more parties with girls who have loose morals.
It only becomes more difficult once you’re older. I get treated like a freak. It’s like living in 2013 without a cellphone. Girls start flaking on me once they find this out about me. They know that I’m no prize. It’s not like I’m at risk of being lost to another girl.
4. I am 33, I’ll be 34 in a few months and not only am I a virgin, I’ve never even kissed a girl before.
I was home schooled all through middle school and put into public high school at the end of 9th grade due to my parents wish to have me experience the social part of high school. It was a complete disaster. Everyone hated me, I never made any friends. So while most people have had relationships and experience during high school I was a complete outcast and never got anywhere with anyone. There were people who thought I was gay because I refused to have sex with the locally known skanks. I ended up dropping out.
During my 20’s life was quite hard, we moved around a lot I never made any real friends and never got to know any women long enough to develop a relationship. I decided to go to college and get a degree to better my life. There was one girl there I was interested in but she was with someone else so that never worked out. I finished college, got my degree and went to work. Eventually they hired a woman I was interested in, after talking to her I finally managed the courage to ask her out.
Now keep in mind, I’m 29 at this point… asking a girl out for the first time in my life. I get rejected and she actually slumps her head like she’s disappointed I would even ask the question. The years go by again, I start talking to another girl and before I can even really formulate anything, she asks me if I’m interested in her, to which I respond in the positive and she tells me she could never see me that way. Sigh…
So now we come to last year. I find a girl who’s actually interested in me. But without going into detail she turned out to be a bit crazy and even though she ended up rejecting me before the relationship really started I believe now I actually dodged a bullet. Despite having spend thousands to see her (we were in different states at the time) I am honestly happy now that it didn’t work out.
So here I am, 33 years old, using match.com and eharmony trying to find someone. Because I have come to the conclusion that I hate being alone. I want someone in my life!
5. I’m approaching 40 and there’s no change in sight to my status, so I’ll chime in.
Virginity doesn’t have any direct affect on my life. Being a virgin is to sex what being an atheist is to religion. Other people spend a lot of time doing it and it seems to make them happy, but it simply isn’t a part of my life. Think about if you’ve never tasted chocolate in your life, you would then also never crave its delicious flavor, since you wouldn’t know what you were missing.
My family and probably most of my friends would know, if they thought about it much. Believe it or not, being a virgin doesn’t actually come up in conversation all that often :p
I’m not terribly ashamed, but sometimes I do feel I’m missing out on something everyone else seems to be doing.
It’s been suggested to me I should pay for it, but like others have said, that seems a desperate solution to a minor problem.
I have dated before, but never found anyone who really made me want to continue dating them.
6. Mid-thirties here. Not quite 40 but for me it’s not much of an issue. Sure I fantasize, look at pron, etc. but sex is about as important to me as seeing Machu Picchu. I would love to go but if I never do my life won’t be incomplete. If I do get the opportunity then cool, I’ll enjoy the experience.
Biologically there’s probably something off. Low testosterone or something but it doesn’t cause me any harm other than being a full stop in my genetic line.
I sometimes feel like an outsider looking in a crazy world. I see people make some incredibly bad choices just over sex like being a US politician and sending MMS images of your groin. I’ve known people who become genuinely distressed because they haven’t had sex in 7 months and it’s driving them crazy. I don’t get it.
How does it affect my life? Well, I have a lot more money given my current income than most people do. I don’t make much but because I am not spending it on anyone but me I have some nice toys.
How many people know? Pretty much anyone that I’m friends with. Questions about marriage, kids, etc. come up from time to time. Some think it’s inconceivable and say I should run downtown with a fist full of cash right now and fix the situation while others seem okay with it. Hell, it’s a running joke with some of my friends.
Am I ashamed? Not really. Sure I’m using a throw away, just don’t want my main account to have this associated with it but outside of reddit? Nah.
7. I got HIV from a blood transfusion when I was a teenager. It saved my life, but at a cost. Although I am a gregarious person, I am consciously aware that remaining in my current status is a choice, but one that isn’t hard to make at all. I am pretty sure I can count on the other seven billion of you to manage that end of things in my absence.
I still flirt with women, but it has earned me the title of being a cunt-tease. The more noticeable thing is probably my sobriety, since I have to avoid making extremely poor, and technically illegal, decisions.
I don’t really have a reason to worry about “dying alone”, and I enjoy the mysteries of life.
8. I’m now 42. I’ve never kissed a girl. I’m overweight, always have been. Not morbidly obese, mind you, just 40-60 pounds too much. I’m not very handsome, this I know.
But, I have good friends, have been told I have a good personality. I’m successful, drive a nice car, own my home outright, and will never have to worry about money or retirement.
I’ve been on some dates, had my heart broken a few too many times. I was always a sucker for liking someone too much, too soon and then putting my heart out there for it to be summarily stomped on.
No one knew I was a virgin. So, like some here have alluded to, I paid for it. I wanted to know what I was missing.
10 years ago, I went to Vegas, and called up the Chicken Ranch. Some old dude in a Cadillac pulled up to my hotel at the pre-arranged time. For the first time in my life, I got in a car with a total stranger and he took me to the next county over to the brothel. After selecting, from a line up of a dozen or so girls, a nice looking blonde, I proceeded to have sex. She was way above my class in terms of looks, body, etc…. I knew then, she would be the best looking woman I’d ever have sex with. After some negotiations, and me being brutally honest, the sum of $500 was exchanged for an hour of anything and everything I wanted.
It was great, it was bad, it was cringe-worthy, it was warm, it was wonderful. It was empty.
I’m no longer a virgin in the physical sense, but may as well be mentally. I was glad for the experience, but sad I didn’t have anyone I loved to share it with. I realized this very soon afterwards.
I too am afraid I’m at the point where living alone for so long, I’m ruined. I’m trying online dating for the first time and results are not promising so far. I have a lot to offer, but our society seems to be driven by physical looks. I’m just as guilty.
If I’m alone for the rest of my life, I’ll survive. I have some good friends, and good family. I live comfortably and enjoy my pursuits of leisure. I’ve traveled the world and have a challenging career I love.
However, from my viewpoint, being a virgin is nowhere near as painful as being unloved.
How many people know about it?
I haven’t given this question much thought until now. My mother probably knew before she passed away from COPD. My father is in a home. He doesn’t think about me, and I avoid him since he’s abusive. My fiancée’s parents knew, but they surely think I’ve slept with someone by now.
Are you a ‘closet’ virgin or are you open about it?
When you walk into a room with people, you assume basic things about them. Most have eaten a hamburger, used a telephone, and worn a pair of roller skates. Adults just presume other adults have had sex, so it’s not an issue for me. If I were to sleep with someone, I would ask her what she liked and try to make her happy. Chances are she would just assume I’m bad at sex.
Being a virgin at my age is abnormal. There’s no advantage in pointing that out. However, it doesn’t feel like a secret I’m carrying around. I don’t identify as a virgin because I stopped thinking about it a long time ago.
Are you ashamed of it?
No. It just sort of happened.
GRID/AIDS scared me as teenager. People weren’t certain how it was transmitted, and if you did catch it, you died. I wasn’t interested in anyone in my high school, so I distracted myself with books, movies, and hobbies. It seemed best to wait until college.
In my twenties, I was smitten with a girl who wanted to wait until marriage. I’d never met anyone like her. Respecting her beliefs vs. screwing was never a dilemma. The thought of spending the rest of my life with her was sublime compared to just sex.
Three months after we were engaged, she was killed in a motor vehicle accident. It took about eight years to get over losing her, including inpatient stays and ECT. I haven’t met anyone like her since. Most single women my age either have children or afflictions. I’m too old and tired to complicate my life. I’ve grown used to living alone.
What is life like?
Shitty. My eyes are fuzzy, my knees ache, my memory leaks. I look around and see my country circling the drain. I’m going to asphyxiate myself next month with a tank of nitrogen, so I guess it’s best no one knows about my virginity. It would be weird if that’s how my friends and colleagues remembered me.
10. 42/M virgin. I was very heavy in my teens, bullied and beaten mercilessly at school, had a father who was more interested in getting drunk at the bar than coming home after work every day. I developed crippling depression at puberty. Mother did her best to care for her kids on her own, but she could never say no to me, so I never learned to really take care myself until living on my own. I never had the birds-and-bees talk, I never had a mentor who broke down what it meant to be a male in the dating pool. Even something simple like, “Women don’t do the asking-out, men do,” might’ve been immensely helpful, but alas.
My 20s were a mess. I lost a bunch of weight, but still had problems with depression and self-hatred. I had this whole pathetic “why me?” thing going that was a total turn-off for the ladies. I met a woman and became her shadow, the stereotypical nice guy. Friendzone level 10k. When I finally admitted to her that I had a thing for her, she disappeared.
As I neared 30, my depression and anxiety deepened because I was so focused on the question, “Why won’t anybody date / have sex with me?” I decided to kill myself on my 30th birthday. Obviously, I didn’t, but I won’t go into detail. It’s an entire story in itself. I started seeing a shrink and taking anti-depressants, on the slow road to recovery. My shrink knew I was a virgin.
There was a lot of soul-searching in my 30s, and realization that I had had several opportunities to sleep with attractive and interested women in my 20s, but I was so wrapped up in anxiety that I missed them. I finally realized I wasn’t the pathetic mucous-filled slug that I once believed I was, but then the problem became THE FEAR of having to admit I was a 30-year-old virgin to prospective mates. I went on a few dates through dating websites, but nothing bloomed. I slowly became more and more disinterested in sex as I realized I was hanging everything in my life on this one little fact. I had a shitty job and a shitty apartment and some shitty friends who didn’t give a shit about me. I decided it was time to focus on making myself happy without sex.
The 40-Year-Old Virgin was released in my mid-30s. I really appreciated how well they captured the virgin’s mindset. “I just kinda gave up.” That still resonates with me.
At 40 I flew to Las Vegas and hired a legal prostitute. She was an extremely attractive but empty Thai woman who took me for a ton of money, but there was no sex, no penetration. I discovered that without some kind of emotional investment in the act, I could not get an erection. It was 3 hours of frustration and humiliation. By the end she just wanted me gone and I was more than happy to oblige.
Two of my friends know I’m a virgin. I haven’t told my family, but I think they may think I’m a closeted gay man. I can’t be bothered to care. Since the night of with the prostitute my mantra became, “Disregard women, acquire happiness,” and I’m working on that. Mentally, I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been. I’m happy, I have a good job, and I have friends who love me. I wouldn’t say I’ve given up, but I do have to struggle to give a shit about dating any more.
And that’s where I’m at right now.
11. I’m 31, everyone knows. I’m not ashamed of it anymore as I used to be in my mid 20s as 30 was creeping near. It does get frustrating at times though when I’m alone with my thoughts and that’s usually the first thing that pops into my mind. It has nothing to do with religious purposes or anything wrong with my little guy down there, I just haven’t had any real luck with the ladies.
I’ve been urged by friends to just go and pay for it, but I haven’t found myself to be that desperate, yet.
12. I’m 34, petite, a woman who people have said is not ugly In decent shape, works in a predominantly male industry, has a bunch of friends…
And I still am a virgin because I can’t find a safe, committed relationship. Due to certain personal circumstances growing up, it’s always been drilled into me not to have sex. I however happen to be a very sexual person but having only really met boys out for one thing I’ve only really dallied with casual relationships- never gone the whole way…because something’s just not been there that makes me wanna.
I’m not ashamed per se but I don’t want it public knowledge, only a few people know…it’s just really awkward telling anyone- they’re always surprised because I seem so “normal”
The sad part for me is never having felt completely…cherished. I’ve been intimate with people and I’m a very touchy person so I love hugs etc But having that moment where it’s “just me and you baby” has never really happened as I’m always aware of some other dynamic. I’m not religious. I just like a bit of emotional security. I don’t want to get married to have it, but I didnt really want to just get it over with with a random either.
I’ve tried internet dating with shitty results, everyone is the opposite of who I am attracted to. At my age, the really awesome guys seem to be already taken.
All the “nice guys” who have ever been into me I just don’t like back so it’s definitely a quandary that I feel is getting worse as I get older and start to lose my looks and youthful glow! I feel I miss out most on the relationship aspect- never having been in love- or been told that they are loved except by friends and family, but I do feel grateful FOR my amazing friends and family tho as their love, hugs and laughter have kept me from going completely bonkers.
Thanks for letting me vent!