8 Uncomfortable lessons that we all need to learn
1. Your self-love must be stronger than your desire to be loved
If you’re not happy now, there’s no amount of followers, positive social media comments, or Instagram likes that will change that. External validation isn’t happiness – it’s a hamster wheel. Validation is an inside job. The most convincing sign that someone is truly living their “best life”, is their lack of desire to show the world that they’re living their best life. Your “best life” won’t seek external validation, but insecurity continually will.
2.You are always responsible for your emotional reactions
If you get angry and say “X thing made me angry”, you will get angry often. If you get angry and say: “I made myself angry because of X thing” you will get angry less often. All of your emotional responses are your fault and responsibility. Nothing can make you angry. Your thoughts about what happened made you angry. That’s on you. If you realize that, you’ll have the power to control it. If you don’t, you’ll spend your life triggered easily and unhappy often.
3. Don’t feed your problems with thoughts, starve them with action
If you want to feed a problem, keep thinking about it. If you want to starve a problem, take action. Most of the harm starts in your mind, with you and your thoughts. Most of the solutions start with a decision, courage, and action.
4. Life has an algorithm too
Just like social media has algorithms to give you more of what you’re interested in, life has an algorithm that gives you more of what you’re thinking about and focusing on. You can train your algorithm to make you more anxious, worried, or insecure by focusing on negative things. You can train your algorithm for happiness, success, and growth by focusing on positive things. Your thoughts become your decisions and then your actions your focus becomes your future.
5. If they’re real, they’ll want to see you win
If you ever feel nervous telling a friend or partner your good news, don’t. Get new friends or a new partner. You can’t afford to have people in close proximity that don’t want to see you succeed, grow, and progress. They’ll subtly hold you back with snide comments, negative feedback, and casual pessimism. In the short term, they’ll have a small effect, but in the long term, they’ll lead you away from your potential and towards the same negativity that has consumed their lives.
6. Your life will be defined by your ability to handle uncertainty
To get from a miserable place to a happy place, you have to be brave enough to travel through a scary, vulnerable, lonely place called uncertainty. Choosing uncertainty over the certain misery of your current situation is a decision you’ll have to make many times if you want success and happiness in work, love, and life. You’ll be defined by your ability to handle uncertainty. Avoidance all risk is the biggest risk. Don’t fear the unknown.
7. You have nothing to “find”
“Finding yourself” is a pop culture lie. “Finding your passion” is a pop culture lie. “Finding your soulmate” is a pop culture lie. These pop culture lies, and the perfection they promise us, if we would only keep searching, stop us from working through the natural challenges within our careers, relationships, and within ourselves. There is no perfection, only room for improvement.
8. Your mental diet will determine your mental health
Comfort eating on negativity will make you unhealthy, and mental weight is the hardest to lose. Like fast food, negativity often tastes good in the short term, but will make you unhealthy in the long term. Your mental diet consists of what you watch, what you read, who you follow, who you spend time with, what you say, and what you think. If your goal is to have a healthier mind this year, start by removing all the junk food in your diet.