I’m not claiming to be some “expert” SB (sugar baby) — that being said I’ve gone on mostly all good M&Gs (besides one with a younger dude I had a bad feeling about but was curious – leads me to a point later!), have one GREAT consistent arrangement currently, and have a few in the works with serious potentials. Never once have I felt disrespected, degraded, scammed, manipulated, etc…
Why? Because I filter HARD on the front end.
1) Make your allowance expectations known before the M&G (meet and greet)
If you have a specific range in mind, communicate it. For every SD (sugar daddy) who would be willing to offer more if not talked about till the M&G, there’s 100+ SDs who want to give you the lowest average, or nothing at all. Caveat: if you’re happy taking a lower amount for different perks like attraction, consistency, etc, this advice might not apply. HOWEVER, if you know you won’t be comfortable with it, you need to filter for SDs willing to provide that amount.
2) Don’t be afraid to spell out what you want!
Me, for example. Here’s exactly what I want and how I say it:
“I’m looking for fun dates (sometimes nights out on the town and sometimes more low-key), FWBs-style, and a weekly allowance that can eventually transition into a monthly one! 🙂 Looking for someone comfortable grabbing hotels as it’s the safest option for everyone. I’m looking to meet about once a week or as our schedules align! I’d prefer to meet first for a casual lunch date, just to see if we click, and take it from there! :)”
****REVISION: This is the message you should send AFTER moving the conversation to a text app #. SA has gotten pretty strict about bans, and dumb as it is for some people ANY discussion about $ amounts can get reported/result in a ban. Move the convo over to text, and possibly block them on the app after if things don’t pan out.
Pretty clear cut, not much room for misinterpretation.
3) Just accept incompatibilities.
I’m looking for casual FWBs, so a SD hitting up my phone all day everyday is NOT going to work for me. They might be a perfectly great human, but it’s JUST like dating. Some things just won’t fit and that’s okay.
4) Just BLOCK them.
Guys who low-ball. Guys who want you to sext them before meeting. Guys who want endless conversation before meeting. Guys who ignore you then randomly hit you up at 1 am “hey u free?”. Guys who say they don’t want to discuss money because it feels too “transactional.” Guys who try to PUSH your boundaries – really pay attention to the way a POT acts when you say NO to something. Guys who neg or instead of simply saying they’re looking for something different, tell you you’re not ‘worth’ whatever you’re looking for.
What are you hoping to achieve by arguing? They’re wasting your time. They’re not going to magically change into a respectful human you can have a decent arrangement with. Once someone shows you who they are, believe them.
NOT ALL MONEY IS GOOD MONEY. The advice is always given to not sugar when you’re desperate. My advice is a little different – even if you are desperate, you have to carry yourself like you’re not.
5) Money Before Honey
At least in the beginning. Get comfortable asking for it. They have no issue asking for intimacy, right? Not wanting to get shorted/scammed doesn’t make things transactional. What makes things transactional is if you ONLY care about the money. Wanting travel, conversation, fun dates, to get to know my SD, all of that shows it’s NOT transactional. Do not feel bad for wanting a SD and not a vanilla.
Fake name, general area that you live but NOT real address, vague description of school/job etc.
I keep everything about myself real (besides my name at first) but don’t give out specific names. Any SD worth it should understand AT LEAST AT FIRST the desire to not be stalked down/have your body shoved in a freezer if things go poorly. Any SD who doesn’t understand safety risks women face is not worth it in my honest opinion. The bowl attracts a higher # of predatory guys who by virtue of having money think they can control women. Maintaining safety should not be offensive.
7) Unpopular opinion: be slightly cautious of younger/hotter guys, especially if they’re both.
Look, I get it. There’s a few younger guys here and on SA who aren’t going to be what I describe. But on average, it’s a pattern. You don’t have to immediately say no, just be cautious.
Many of these dudes are not serious about being a SD. I’ve blocked so many of them for saying they shouldn’t have to pay because we’re similar in age and they’re ‘hot.’ The one time I said “fuck it” I had a 29 year old asshole sit across from me startled I was getting the PPM I was getting and “all the girls he got were fitter and wanted to fuck him for free.” Most of these guys don’t understand this lifestyle, or are PUAs and looking for naive, gullible women. Nah, they don’t “like you” too much to pay. Nah, they’re not “so confused” on what SA is. They know, they just don’t care.
8) I strongly advocate for lunch dates for M&G
Some of you guys can’t do lunch. I understand. But if you can, I think it’s the best M&G strategy. Coffee is fine, but feels too… buisness like? Late night drinks feel a bit too “booty call” if it’s a first meet.
I like lunch because it’s nice and bright, generally not as expensive as dinner, but allows me to see a SD in broad daylight, see how he treats the waiter/waitress, possibly have a glass of wine but not go crazy, and talk in an environment with no expectations.
It’s also easy to dip out of, and you make it clear that it’s just lunch to get to know each other and intimacy is off the table for the first meet. (Note: you can put it on the table if you click, but the point is the whole ‘seeing if they respect your boundaries’ thing)
9) Last tip: Accept the filtering process.
I’ve gone through 100 messages to even have 1 M&G with a POT (potential sugar daddy). You have to invest time on the front end, but it’ll be worth it once you begin to have consistent arrangements.