The single hardest thing I have done in my life at the age of 31 was put down my dog, Angel, who had heart disease. I remember getting the call from my mom while I was at work and using the drive over the to vet to get all my crying out. This was my pup growing up and was the sweetest dog I’ve ever owned. Not a mean bone in her body and would absolutely light up the moment she saw me. Every time.
I remember pulling up to the vet and thinking I had everything under control but the moment I went into the room where she was laying on the table I lost it. Here is my pup breathing what seemed like slow determined breaths, dealing with pain in a foreign room without family around. My Mom walks in first and Angel immediately recognizes her and you can sense the relief.
So then I come in right after and the tail wag alone was enough to break me down but the fact that she tried to stand up absolutely destroyed me. In that moment their was nothing strong about what I was projecting. I panic and turned around unready for what was happening regardless of my preparation. I wasn’t ready to lose my best friend. My family.
I walked over to Angel and let her sniff and lick my hand unable to hold myself together. I spent a few moments with her head rested in one hand while I petted her with another. I don’t think we broke eye contact until she passed. It absolutely killed me to be there and watch that moment but I would do it again in a heartbeat for her. She closed her eyes first and then took a few more breaths before passing.
I’m an absolute wreck every time I tell that story or recount it. I’m crying while I write this. I will never forget that day; That excitement in her eyes at seeing me, the tail wag, the hand lick… and at the same time the calm she projected.
I now have two German Shepherd brothers that are a year old, Maverick and Sherlock, that I look forward to spending many happy years together with. I dread the day I have to go through with them what I did with Angel but I will 110% be there for both of them and hopefully I’m a little bit stronger this time around to make it easier for them then I made it for Angel.