I spend a lot of time complaining to myself and my friends (girlfriends and guy friends) about my life but overall it is good. I would not trade it for the alternative if that’s what you mean.
The good parts:
- I love him, for real. Sure, I won’t lie that him being successful didn’t influence my decision to date him and later when he proposed it was a no-brainer, but there isn’t a single girlfriend of mine or woman I ever talked to honestly who didn’t want an older man with a good job and money. So it’s not a loveless marriage or a marriage of convenience, I fell in love with a man who happens to have a lot of money, and that’s still one of the things that makes me happiest about my life, having met someone who I love so much and who loves me, despite our age differences and whatever else.
- Never having to worry about paying for things. I had a $27,000/year job trying to do writing for small (often failing) newspapers in a big city before I met him, sharing an apartment with a friend. I spent the money I made on my wardrobe and shoes and hair (and I guess I’m glad I did) but a couple months choosing between rent and utilities like phone or heat was a real issue. I know a lot of people think self-respect and making your own way is a big thing (including me) but I do not want to go back to that life.
- He makes a lot of money. I mean a lot. I literally could not believe it when I first began to understand, but pretty much unless I want to buy a house or a very expensive car (like a Ferrari, not a Lexus) I don’t have to worry about the price ever. It’s nice being able to shop all you want and he is more than happy to provide so that I look my best. And what girl doesn’t want to look good? Especially since her man is the one who appreciates her more than anyone?
- I get to associate with a lot of interesting people. I was raised with good middle-class manners, so I can get along passably with “high society” especially since many of the people he socializes with at work-related events are self-made and not “blue-blood European old money” types, so I get to meet lots of interesting and accomplished people and their spouses. Much more interesting than my slacker friends who I feel a bit bad not talking to as often but the truth is that a lot of my friends from high school are still doing nothing with their lives and smoking pot and these people aren’t (as much, or as openly).
Now the bad parts:
- People (including yourself) judging me. There is always an unspoken feeling of disapproval about what I’ve done or the arrangement we have, even if both of us are happy. It’s obvious that society frowns on this sort of thing and feels like a talented young woman with a college degree should be making her own way instead of stopping out and becoming a kept woman. Probably my own worst critic is myself to be honest.
- Not really feeling like I truly own anything. The most expensive thing I’ve ever owned myself was a used car I bought for $2400 with money I earned at my first job out of school. I loved that car, but it made too much sense to trade it in when he bought me a much, much nicer new car many years later as a birthday present. Everything else, even if it’s something I’ve picked out myself that he could never have any use for (like shoes, jewelry, makeup, accessories) still feels like it doesn’t belong to me because it’s really his money. Most days I try not to think about this and it’s all right but occasionally it comes to mind.
- I feel like I have to keep the marriage together. It does feel a bit like a hostage situation, because I know if things were to break up, I would lose a lot of this. Yes I would be entitled to some of his stuff, but he is the one who has powerful lawyer friends so it probably wouldn’t turn out well for me. We don’t have children yet (but we are talking about it) so there wouldn’t be any child support. I’ve met some wives and ex-wives of his friends and the ex-wives say that in a divorce situation I will do okay but not great, and if I love him I should do my best for the marriage especially if we have kids (obviously).
All in all I can say that obviously we would like to be completely independent and financially-secure women but if life finds us in a situation where we are a trophy wife there are worse things that can happen to us.