Photo by Daniel Reche
Okay, here’s what’s going to happen.
First, you’re going to delete all social media related to her. Delete, unfriend, block, remove.
Next, you’re going to sign-up for a new activity. Take up kickboxing, karate, magic the gathering – whatever. Something where you can build community. You need to be out of the house meeting people.
Third, you’re going to get your ass in the gym 4-5x per week. This is on top of the above. The above is about building community. This is about getting into great shape.
Now, go see your friends for a drink. Like every day. Don’t be alone for the next six weeks. Rotate between friends so you don’t crush any single one, but vent.
Never drink alone. It’s a dark path that you may never get off.
Write yourself a letter about all the problems in your relationship. Write about the red flags. Do this for two reasons: 1) to remind yourself not to idealize; 2) to read when you feel an overwhelming urge to reach out.
Don’t ever reach out. Even if you guys are ever to get back together, she pulled the trigger. You reaching out will do nothing – she needs to make that move if she wants to get back together.
Do not reach out.
Next, and this is the hardest part, you’re going to wait. The suffocating feeling will last for a month or three, but not forever. The dreams will fuck you up for a while, but not forever. The waves of pain will hit you every moment of every day. Then every other moment. Then a dozen times a day. Then half that. Then every other day. Eventually they’ll be sore spots you think about occasionally.
Don’t try to speed up this process. You can’t. It sucks.
If you’re good with women, go get laid. It won’t fill the void, but it will let you remember you have sexual value. If you’re bad with women, take the time to work on yourself until you’re good with them.
Don’t manipulate women for sex by pretending you want something more than you do. Be honest.
Don’t go searching for a relationship, you will be disappointed and it won’t fill the void.
Time. Time heals all wounds. Keep busy by growing and bettering yourself while you wait for the agony to pass.