Photo by Felix Rostig
As human beings, we naturally ping off the people around us to dictate how we should behave (unless you’re drugged out of your mind or something haha).
The people you talk to are subconsciously looking at your behavior to let them know how THEY should behave.
If you’re uncomfortable and rigid, you send signals to the other person that they should be uncomfortable and rigid as well.
If you’re judging yourself negatively, you’re telling the other person that you’re going to judge them as well.
If you’re stuck in your head and you’re overthinking what the perfect thing to say is, you’re showing the other person that they should be worried about what they say as well.
Being way too harsh on yourself is the most common problem I see with people trying to work on their confidence or their conversational skills. And if you’re personally experiencing these problems, I understand the struggle. I know it’s not as simple as just “relax and don’t think so much!”
So how DO you take that comfort that you feel with your close friends and carry it over into all your other social interactions?
It’s about letting go.
You have to let go of the need to be perfect. You have to remove the pressure that you put on yourself. These are limitations that you’ve put on yourself; and only YOU can remove them.
When you can do this, and when you can treat the person you’re talking to as if they were a friend, they will subconsciously receive signals that they are allowed to feel comfortable as well!
It’s magic. You will feel like you’re doing nothing at all, and yet get compliments from people that you are “so easy to talk to.”
The journey to becoming the most confident version of yourself is not always comfortable… but it’s worth it.