1. From my experience if you order a Bud Light/ Miller Light/ Budweiser with a shot of Bourbon or Whisky you probably work a manual labor intensive job. Most older women want vodka with water/tonic/soda. Younger woman tend to order vodka with cranberry or sweeter mixed drinks. Younger men tend to order IPA’s or Craft Beers. I can always tell who just turned 21 due to all the complex sweet shots with fancy names being ordered. Old ladies that want to party usually start with Margaritas. I bartend on the weekends at a shot and beer spot, so I don’t get a lot variety.
2. Long Island Ice Teas. Usually someone who wants to get drunk for cheap and is going to complain that the drink is not strong enough. Tip for bartenders, before serving, fill the straw with well tequila. You will never get another complaint about a weak LIT.
3. Martini ‘shaken, not stirred’= Idiot who knows nothing about booze and definitely has no idea what they’re ordering, and will most likely not like it. That said, I’m pretty tolerant of most drink orders, people are allowed to like what they like, even if I don’t share the same taste.
4.When a customer orders a fireball for himself, a Coke for his young friend, some blowjob shots for the two ladies with their boyfriends across the bar, and two cosmopolitans for their boyfriends….a damn cool bar-fight is about to happen.
5. Vodka soda with a splash of cran will either be an obnoxious white girl or a slender gay man. IPA drinkers are bearded dads who want to ask 15 questions and try 15 samples. Long Island drinkers are almost always garbage, and bad tippers. There is an entire demographic of female drinkers that don’t care what it tastes like as long as it is pink or blue.
6. Jagerbombs are ordered by students which just want to get fucked up asap.
7. Pina Colada – you care more about flavor than image. Also want to be in the Caribbean
8. Porn Star Martinis – I’m going to be loud and obnoxious all night, and my vomit is going to be neon orange when i’ve drank 5 of these.
9.“One Caucasian Please” – neckbeard fedora dude ordered about 10 white russians from me one night and called them “caucasians” everytime while chuckling to himself every time he came up to the bar
10. If you pull up a drink you found on Pinterest and it has 25 steps and is more pretty than tasty, I can tell already you are a future “I want to speak to the manager” type of mom.
11. guy walks in and puts his sunglasses on the back of his head….“Here’s your Bud Light, sir”
12. Ordering Manhattans while in nyc because of the novelty, not knowing that it’s mostly bourbon then saying it’s too strong.
13. Double Brandy and Coke means you’re probably from South Africa
14. Any variety of boilermaker…guaranteed the customer is an alcoholic.
15. Cosmo – This person is almost certainly a pain in the ass.
16. Anyone who orders a drink and says “make it stong” means that they aren’t going to tip. No, I will not give you free booze, this is how I make my living. I always ask if they want to order (and therefor pay for) a double, the answer is always no. You can Fuck right off, my good sir.
17. “I’ll have a lager” too lazy to look at the taps or you literally don’t care what you drink.
18. “Can you make me something fruity” AKA I’m pure amateur hour, may send this back for being too strong, will probably make out with that creepy regular that drinks Bud Light drafts on the dance floor after one cocktail and a Woo Woo.
19. Vodka Redbull, usually a bit of a twat and on some kind of drug. On the bright side they tip well because they’re too off their tits to care about getting change.