1. So many people think of relationships as being all about love, lust and sex. What about the completely ordinary, everyday things, like going for a walk? Grocery shopping? Out to dinner? Or making dinner!? Going on vacation? Going to a movie? Just simply spending the day together, hanging out, visiting a farmers market or going on a day trip somewhere new. Grabbing a coffee somewhere and sitting outside, people-watching while you chat. Meeting each other’s friends/family and getting to know them too. Having another opinion on decisions you may have to make. Not having to always take the trash out yourself lol. Finding a tv show you both like and binge-watching on cold winters nights while eating pizza. Knowing that someone is there when you come home from work. Learning and growing from issues you both may face in your relationship and overcoming them if the relationship is strong enough, or break up and meet someone new if it isn’t, and start all over again. Maybe having a family, if that’s your thing.
These are things I, at almost 47, have never done. All of those other little, seemingly inconsequential things to most other people, that are a mystery to us. And OF COURSE I know relationships are not all hearts and flowers, but let’s just assume that I’m talking about healthy relationships here, not toxic sh!t.
2. I just want to be wanted.
I want to feel wanted and desired so badly. That I’m worthwhile enough to be pursued and sought-out after. That someone SEES me and not just sees me but LIKES what they see. That someone wants to share their life with me and hold my hand.
I want to be loved so badly. I’m thankful for my relatives and my cats (I really am) but I want to be loved by a guy. I want someone to protect me and give me kisses and hugs from behind. Someone who I can bury my face in after a hard day.
I feel so…empty.
3. Everyone is getting engaged while I’m struggling to even get a date.
So, I (27f) woke up today and just started crying my eyes out. It seems like everyone I know is getting engaged while I have never even been in a relationship. I remember when I was 16 and my friends asked me when I would start dating and I told them that I would start dating at the age of 26. They asked me why I wanted to wait that long and I said it’s because I’m not interested in dating (I lied). I wanted to have a boyfriend but I was too embarrassed to just tell them that boys/men just didn’t find me attractive.
When I was 17, I started approaching guys because none of them where approaching me and I would get rejected every single time. I stopped approachinf for a few years and tried again at the age of 23 but no luck. Whenever I approached guys, it made me feel like I was some kind of monster (none of the men I’ve approached would be considered attractive accept for the 1st guy I approached at 17, never approached a handsome guy after that).
I feel like I’m some kind of freak show, I see men saying how easy it is for women to get in relationships and it’s so frustrating. In my country the standard of beauty is havig a big butt and curves. I have no curves I grew up being the fat girl with no butt and lost weight at the of age 23 but still got over looked. Most men in my country only care about a big butt and I dont have one and it makes me feel less than. When I was 18, I overheard my dad tell my mom that I was ugly. I remember confronting my mom the next day and telling her what I had heard and she just replied with “as a woman you have to be strong”. She didn’t didn’t say “oh you are beautiful” or anything you would expect a mom to say to make me feel better even though I was crying.
The times I was around my friends, guys would treat me as if I was invisible and only talk to my friends. This one time a guy approached my friend and told her he wished I would disappear so he could talk to her in private. They would openly avoid talking to me and avoid eye contact.
It sucks and seeing everyone getting engaged makes me feel like the most unlovable person in the world. Sorry for the any mistakes, english isn’t my 1st language.
4. Whenever I hear a guy complaining about how he can’t find a girlfriend because he’s "just too ugly", I get angry.
There is a evolutionary instinctual reason men stereotypically, note stereotypically, judge women by appearance, and women stereotypically judge men by power. Evolutionary instinctual reason in this sense: those that did it, survived better than those that did not. A woman‘s appearance is an indicator of her body‘s health, and it is her body that will bear the child, not the man‘s body. That is one of the fundamental differences between male and female. In contrast, the woman subconsciously judges the man by his power in order to make sure that he can care for the child after it‘s born.
Whenever a guy complains about his appearance, I wish I could just tell him: it’s not your appearance. It’s your lack of inner masculinity. They think that women judge them the same way they judge them, which is just not true.
5. These last days I have heard the word “boyfriend” a lot. I can’t stand it.
I hate that I will never get over this. I hate that I can’t be loved just for being me, it’s not my goddamn fault, I’m just unlucky. I hate that I will never know the feeling of being close and intimate with a man. I hate not being lovable and desirable. I hate hearing people say “oh, you’re a teenager, you will have new experiences with boys” to the younger girls I know. Yes, right? That’s the norm. That’s life. Those experiences are so common in teenagers, while I’m a 20 year old fucking loser.
No friends and no family either.
It’s so hard when life denies you basic experiences.
I know I’m having an emotional episode, but I don’t care. I’m sick of feeling like trash.
6. I am a very ugly woman
No friends or dating experience (KHHV)
Even my own mom has rejected me every single chance she could
I am a super extrovert but I always get shut down or left out in social/academic situations
Not sure why I didn’t get the message for so long
Being around beautiful women is such an eye opener
They all have dozens of attentive friends, get invited out a lot, and have endless options for dating
I used to wear makeup and try to be funny/smart
God it never really sank in m how unwanted I am by everyone for a long time
Like I knew but I kept coping
7. Guys never approach me and online dating is discouraging. Most guys on there have bad intentions and try to get me to come over to their house immediately. I feel ugly and defective. It seems like other 28 year old women are in relationships, engaged, and married but I have no one. I’m single and alone. I feel like it will be like this forever. I want to have children and marry a man that will love and care for me but I feel like that’s impossible.
8. Important day tomorrow yet here I am. I would try to make myself more palatable/acceptable to people by being extra nice to them. Try to please them. At least let’s be the sweet ugly girl than bitter ugly b**ch I thought. No surprise but it doesn’t work. People just walk all over you and don’t treat you well still.
I tried to be cold, strong and someone who stands their ground but I couldn’t. The thing is, my voice gets shaky easily during confrontations and it immediately turns to full on bawling. I once lowkey embarrassed myself in public by crying like that.
So here I am, total people pleaser, doormat, someone who’s taken advantage of, always ditched, flakes out on and yet I take it without standing up once for myself. I hate it. I resent people because I end up giving more than what I get from them. I lost count the times I said sorry when I didn’t have to.
Since I never had good friendships since 17 or so, I don’t know how a healthy adult friendship is supposed to be. I don’t know what to expect, I’m in constant worry “is it okay to share this? Am I burdening this person?”. I never had friends (both online n irl) who I could go and vent to. It feels as if no one will ever understand me and support me.
I’m tired and lonely af. I feel vulnerable and weak.. I’m crying my eyes out as I write this.
9. The standard advice is always, “well you need to work on YOU and make YOUR life better instead of worrying about what other people are doing!”
…But what happens when you’ve maxed out your potential realistically and still feel this way?
I’m already as good-looking as I’ll ever be (minus major plastic surgery), I’m happy with my career advancement, and I socialize as much as I’m allowed to (you can’t force friendships but I make an effort to go out, make plans, be friendly when I can). I’ve worked on myself, I’m even in therapy.
So what gives? People like to peddle this idea that if you’re unhappy, jealous of someone else’s life (especially over things they didn’t even have to work for), or can’t find love, you just need to “work on yourself” and “be the best version of you” and things will magically fall into place.
But that’s a lie. Nothing has “fallen into place” just because I’ve gotten my life together.
I’m not sure what the point of this post is, but I just needed a safe place to vent.
I’m tired of being told to do more, more, more when I know of plenty of people who just get handed seemingly charmed lives from the get go.
(And before we start with the “you don’t know that that beautiful young influencer with millionaire parents and a doting hot boyfriend who gets flown to Europe by designers to hang with stars and pose for pictures isn’t secretly crying herself to sleep every night!!!!1!” let’s be realistic—some lives are better than others and it feels insulting to pretend that life is somehow fair and balanced and we all have the same chances if we just work hard enough.)
10. I’m almost 32 and still a virgin. I can honestly say I don’t feel human. I hate to admit this but suicide seems more and more like a viable option as every day goes by.
The worst thing is when I try to reach out for help. I don’t know why I am a masochist and try to get advice from my mom…. I told her that I am desperate for a relationship and can’t find one. Her answer was that I should pray to God that I lose my feelings of wanting a relationship. Implying that I should give up and not try.
She even told me that one of her friends had a relative my age and they suggested setting us up. She told me that she said to them “I wasn’t interested”…. not that I would actually want to have someone set me up with a stranger but…. really??? Most moms are dying to help their daughters with this. Mine seems to get a KICK out of sabotaging me and not wanting me to just find someone.
And I was talking to my mom last night and brought up the idea of liposuction. Cue a huge fight between the two of us. I am not overweight but I do have a few odd body proportions that I think make me unappealing…. It’s like an affront against nature for me to try to improve my chances of finding someone. Literally the world turns on me the moment I think of maybe being alluring. Almost every other woman can have her moment, but when I get ideas of trying to be pretty? It’s like I murdered someone. I am now reeling after this conversation, wondering what types of rope would be best to hang myself with.
I don’t know how to navigate life and frankly, killing myself is less of a horrible idea every day. I know that it’s a “permanent solution to a temporary problem” but my situation feels like I am trapped and there is no other way out. People reading this, can you blame me for wanting this to end?
It is unbearable being someone like me, who wants a relationship but can never have it. I am not human. I’m not even sure I should be alive.
I’d almost think of losing my virginity to a prostitute but frankly that would just be me adding to a larger problem of abuse. I’d rather not do that. Frankly, there is no future for me. I am starting to plan out suicide methods at the same time most women are planning baby showers and weddings. I am toying with the idea of going out into the snow during winter and just falling asleep. There is something dignified about just falling “asleep” in the snow. Maybe nobody would find me and it would be a mystery as to what happened to me.
I’ve lost hope.