I have been through this. I found out my wife had a threesome with a friend and his wife, then caught her with another guy. The first time I found out, I felt like you feel. Like someone has torn your soul out of your chest, like the most precious thing you had in your life was stolen from you. You feel like you will never get it back, like you’re made of glass and someone demolished you. I know how you feel.
- Ultimately, others’ advice about the divorce and all is fine. Don’t think about that now.
- For now, focus on getting your head and heart right. Close your eyes and practice your breathing. Tell yourself that this is just one of those moments in life where your reaction is critical. Be determined to stay in control and don’t allow yourself to fall victim to your reptile brain.
- Grab just enough clothes for a week in a hotel. Don’t worry about personal supplies, you can pick those up at a Walgreens. Just grab your laptop, clothes, chargers, phone, wallet, and head out. Find a hotel or Airbnb where you can quietly rest and research next steps.
- Don’t drink. Don’t use drugs. Don’t try to feel better. That will never help. I’m serious, this isn’t time to drown your sorrows, this is time to stay focused.
- Lock your financial accounts if you can. Start locking her out of anything that could harm you.
- Get a good night’s sleep and talk to a divorce attorney so you can start getting options together. Planning things will help you realize that it’s not gray skies forever. Life will continue on after this.
- This isn’t your fault. Just like the scene in Good Will Hunting, say it again: It’s not your fault. It’s NOT your fault. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for this. It’s natural to blame ourselves: What could I have done differently? What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Please try to avoid entertaining these thoughts because the blame for this never falls on the cheatee. Sometimes life just throws us to the lions and it’s up to us to fend them off and climb back out of that pit.