1. It’s like everyone is a puppet and the world is a game. the rules are to manipulate the puppets in order to win the game for yourself. some puppets get in the way so they have to be removed others are more useful.
You gotta play the long game tho because you never know when someone might become useful again later. some puppets live some die, it’s just all part of the process. none of that affects me on the inside. Hack the system and achieve your short and long term goals. puppets are just part of the system.
Love doesn’t feel like a thing, it’s just usefulness of ppl. same with loyalty. It’s all temporary depending on usefulness of the puppet.
2. I feel like I don’t give a shit about 90% of things unless they’re directly affecting me. I find it really hard to relate to people and expressing my emotions because I don’t feel anything. Especially when consoling someone and you have to fake being upset too when deep down I couldn’t care less.
3. I spent a good chunk of my youth doing things because i thought they were right but i never really felt it, when i did a good deed i thought i was doing it to be nice but really i was looking for the reward of looking like a better person or maybe a physical reward like money etc, i dont believe now that selfless good deeds really do exist, instead i see selfish actions that can benefit others. When i study people i start to wonder if they are aware of this deep down and feel the same way or if they really think they are doing good, my mother is someone who goes out of her way to help people, i dont know if she realises but she is definitely rewarded with things like a thank you that makes her feel better or the thought that she has impressed someone, the thing i wonder is whether she is actively seeking these gratifications and is either aware of it or in denial about it or if someone can really just be a good person. I dont know if i’m just cynical but i think the normal people are just in this mental matrix, i think they are all sociopaths to some extent who have there human suits stuck on and we are just the ones that have woken up and have the understanding about what we really are.
4. We have spent our whole lives teaching ourselves to avoid detection and give a reasonable appearance of normalcy. I’m sure we’ve all had breakthrough moments of “oh, that’s how you perform a warm smile!” or “shit! you mean I’m not supposed to hold eye contact without blinking if I want people to feel comfortable loaning me money?”
5. Everytime I search something about psychopathy, sociopathy or NPD, I come across thousands of shit posts with huge bold headlines like ” How to avoid being in a relationship with a sociopath 101.” which usually follows with something like ” when narcs and other abusers go on ATTACK blah blah blah”. Ya’ll do realize sociopathy or psychopathy and npd have some huge differences right? Sure we are the bad ones but even then, it’s a disorder for god’s sake, stop victimizing yourself and stop believing that ya’ll are the “better humans”. Not every abuser is a sociopath or a psychopath and not every psychopath or sociopath is an abuser. Sure, there’s a huge possibility that your relationship with someone with aspd or npd (even bpd) can turn sour and toxic but we’re not monsters that’ll crawl out of the closet to ruin you. Please stop throwing the term around like a slang, being a sociopath isn’t funny nor is it a slang. Again, just because someone doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings doesn’t mean they have aspd.
6. Sociopathy takes away from the things of life that (I’m assuming) make it interesting. If your best friend gets engaged, you feel nothing. If your significant other gets a new job or a promotion, you feel nothing. If your sibling graduates, you feel nothing.
And I’m not saying “feel nothing” as in you feel ‘numb’ when good things happen to others, but more in the sense that events like those literally have 0 effect on your mood and how you feel.
This makes life pretty boring after a while, because the only things that affect how you feel are the things that affect you directly. And I mean, how many truly interesting things happen to each of us on a daily basis? I’m willing to bet not that many.
So from what I can tell, while NT’s might feel depressed or guilty every time they read the news/something bad happens to someone close to them, they also feel happy and excited when positive things happen to those close to them. Essentially, their emotions and thoughts are almost always being stimulated by events happening around them, good or bad. Meanwhile a sociopath is affected by neither; the only thing that could possibly make a sociopath’s day more eventful would be if something happened that directly affected them.
A sociopath’s world is a selfish one, and unless you have a wildly eventful and crazy life, that world can be pretty boring.
7. There are various cultural and personal reasons behind this assessment. 1. People tend to naturally demonise people with ASPD. I know it has been echoed into their heads by pop culture, and so it makes it much harder to be open about it. They treat it as if people with ASPD are responsible for having it. Which brings me to- 2. It is really lonely. People think being manipulative, or even having a non-emotional assessment of any situation is in itself a threat. They hate blatantly true people. And if you tell them such disregard is an outcome of your “sociopathy” it’s like a trigger word for danger. 3. You get bored when you don’t want to, really quick. Especially of people. You perpetually feel like you don’t fit in. And even if you are aware of your exact emotional state, you can often do nothing about it. This has made me crush so many relationships, simply because I was bored. Even if I didn’t want to. Something personal here- it is really regrettable for me. But I often distance myself emotionally as a precautionary measure so that I don’t end up hurting someone else’s feelings. And this has been getting on my nerve for a while now. 4. There’s trauma. Often unspoken trauma inside that rarely gets attention in the midst of all the ‘lack of empathy’ hysteria.
These are the ones I had personally been suffering with. I have both Bipolar I and ASPD so I think something may be on the BPD side. Even so, I have couple of friends who have BPD yet they experience a much more welcoming social structure. This is why I often do not even mention ASPD. At the end of the day, it feels like you are cornered. And that in any case is the worst situation for those on the ASPD spectrum.
8. When I do something wrong I get this anxiety that I’ll be caught and/or people will look down on me for it. I don’t actually feel guilt. I honestly think I’m above the law and should be able to do whatever I want but I know that’s not idealistic.
9. The way you feel about objects like the floor, walls, cars, trees, etc is probably how I feel about them, but I feel the same about people and pets as I do about inanimate objects: they’re useful, nice, can be something sentimental, or something to have fun with.