1. She legit stole my wallet the first time we hooked up. It had $200 in it
Sex was so damn good I just made sure I hid my wallet and valuables for rounds 2-4
2. That she was crazy. One of the first things she said to me while making out at a party was “they all say I’m crazy, but I’m really not.”
3. She said she had thousands of kids that telepathically communicate with her all at once.
I only talked to her for a few more weeks and slowly faded myself out since I was too afraid to just ghost her. That’s the type of crazy I didn’t want to get on the wrong side of. I didn’t pry too much more into it due to how uncomfortable I got.
4. The last girl I dated told me she liked holding a knife to her ex’s neck while he slept because she fantasized about murder and wanted to see what it felt like.
5. She showed up to my apartment without directions or asking. She was a friend of a friend, and knew the complex itself from talking with her earlier. Never crossed my mind to ask how she figured out my building or apartment until later, and when you wake up to a cute girl knocking on your door at 2 AM, it doesn’t really cross your mind.
We saw each other for a few months, til I figured our what was cute at first was stalkers and became upsetting when I need to sleep. Lesson learned, now I use an alias and safe house when I meet people.
6. 20 year old stripper whose husband was in jail. Husband got out and fire bombed my car in her driveway.
7. She told me she was a manipulative, emotionally unavailable, and controlling person. I still went in. She wasn’t lying lol but I think I maneuvered it well.
8. First day, she fell in love. Day two, she slapped me in the face. Day three, she broke into my house. Day 4, I learned she could squirt across the room. Day 5, she told me she had chlamydia. Day 6, I smashed one last time and didn’t pull out. Day 7, she brought me the pill that treats chlamydia and sucked my soul out right after. Day 8 and beyond, I ignored the rest of her calls and left her on read. I’m surprised my house didn’t get burnt down as it still stands today.
9. Hooked up with a girl near DC who was very into SpongeBob, which is cool I am too, but she was like SUPER into SpongeBob. Throw pillows, posters, stuffed animals everywhere. When we hooked up she made me do the laugh so she’d get off
10. Family gang ties. She would use that as a threat to prevent me from breaking up, cheating, or making her upset in general.
11. I met a girl on a bus and on our first date she told me that her father is always present and she can see him sitting right next to me. I thought she was joking or used a metaphor of him always watching her but she pointed where he was sitting (I should mention that he is alive and well). I proceeded to have a 2 year long relationship with her with lots of weird things happening in it.
English wasnt her first language neither was mine but we communicated in english. Sometimes she would say “we” when talking about what she did on a day and refuse to elaborate. Any kind of argument would end up with her trying to gaslight me about unimportant details (like she would say something and I would quote it back to her and she would say: “no thats what you said.”
She married a 60 year old man when she was 25. Really mysterious person – to this day I cant say how crazy she really is.
12. I get to her place, and it is like 4 things away from a trash heap. Seriously, piles of trash, clothes, dishes, books, etc. EVERYWHERE! Her couch looked like it was rescued from a dump. I have no sense of smell (luckily) and was down baaaaad so I was like whatever.
Then I hear a small critter noise, look over and she’s got a massive cage FULL of mice/rats. Like a ceiling to floor length cage, the kind you’d keep several toucans in. I cannot tell you the level of uncomfortable it is making out on a filthy couch, next to a pile of trash while being able to hear mice. Sex was amazing though, but I just couldn’t deal. She was a PhD student or something and the mice were retired lab rats, even still… Clean your place.
13. That she was 100% bat shit insane.
Met online. She opened with saying “wow what a dirty old white man. Whats with you white men?” She, herself, was white.
I thought she was joking, but she wasn’t. She was dead ass serious about having a heated racial argument against her own race. I played along. Turns out, she does that as a “test” to see if people can “handle her”. Red flag, but she was one of the hottest people I’ve ever talked to. We continue on.
She is an artist/engineer. She tells me how big her house is and how she would LOVE to support me. She’d pay all my bills, etc. This seemed odd, as I just met her.
She insisted I come out to Detroit to see her. I was in Ohio. I have known her a day. Well, as my blood wasn’t in the right area of my body, I decided to go. I drove the few hours and showed up at what could only be described as a house used in movies to depict a trailer trash, dirty individual.
Her front yard was covered in an array of random objects. It looked like a bomb went off in the middle of a yard sale for stuff a goodwill wouldn’t accept. There was so much random stuff, I has to step on a chair and over a fence to get from her driveway to the front door. We continued on.
Her house was a mess. It was like a homeless person got a home and moved all their homeless essence into it. It wasn’t dirty, per say, just…so so so much clutter. We went to her room and i laid down. We proceeded to talk for a while, and we wound up in a moment of silence.
I brought up something I’d seen in a documentary recently and she got super serious, super fast. She looked at me and said “okay, and the point of that sentence was…?” I replied that I was just trying to make small talk. “Who fuckin cares about a documentary. Why do I give a shit?”.
I wasn’t sure how to respond , so I went with just explaining the concept of small talk. She interrupted me and said “you are boring as fuck. Why bother opening your mouth?”
I couldn’t understand what was happening. I never had an interaction like that before. She was now nitpicking everything I said and getting angrier by the minute. I tried so much to change the subject to something she’d like but I couldn’t manage.
I still decided to sleep over. The worst part was, no matter how I tried to initiate the sex that she was talking nonstop about having over text when we met, it never happened. We just..went to sleep. I spent the entire night staring at her ceiling instead of leaving because, well, tomorrow exists.
The last straw was when she got up, pretended I didn’t exist, walked to the bathroom and took the loudest, nastiest shit ive ever heard come out of a woman…with the door open. She didn’t wash her hands, or flush.
All that for a set of blue balls and hours and hours of wasted driving.