When I was 19 years old, my 38 year old boss held me against my will for 3 weeks and raped me multiple times. I ended up pregnant and have been raising my son for the last 8 years.
How did he keep you against your will?
He told me we were working in a different city for a few days. He proceeded to take me to his elderly mother’s house. She had some sort of dementia so she didn’t understand what was going on. He took my keys and my phone and if someone called me, he would send a text pretending to be me. He kept me in a constant state of buzzed by only allowing me to have drinks with alcohol.
At night I was to take a sleeping pill with alcohol so I wouldn’t wake up and sneak away. I tried to fight him, but he had 100 pounds on me and I didn’t stand a chance against him.
Did he go to jail?
No. The cops failed to properly investigate claiming the lack of physical evidence made this a he-said/she-said case so it basically wasn’t worth their time.
Is there no way to hold this guy accountable?
The statute of limitations was up 2 years ago. Because they failed to properly investigate and didn’t place charges against him, there is nothing to be done to hold him accountable.
Did the police/authorities give you a reason they wouldn’t investigate someone’s three week abduction?
Lack of physical evidence. And because I went willingly (I thought we were going for work) it wasn’t considered an “abduction” because I was an adult.
Was abortion ever something that crossed your mind?
There was a moment where I seriously considered it. But due to my faith, I just couldn’t do it. However, I would NEVER agree to FORCING a woman into carrying their rapist’s child. I had my faith to hold onto, but even then, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I also want to add that I had considered adoption, but when I had my first ultrasound and saw the heartbeat, I felt this overwhelming love and I knew we would survive this together.
Does your son look like him?/Do you love your son?
Luckily my son looks like a mini male version of me, so I never feel like I’m looking at my rapist. And I absolutely love my son with all my heart. This wasn’t his fault anymore than it was mine.
Does your son know?
No. He knows that another man “put him in my belly”. I WILL NOT EVER tell him about the rape.
There is absolutely NO circumstance in which this information will be beneficial to my son. I will not withhold any pertinent medical information, etc.
As far as he will ever know, it was a one night stand with a guy who turned out to be dangerous. He has a long criminal rap sheet that I can refer to.
He knows that another man “put him in mommy’s belly”, but he’s never pressed beyond that because my husband is “daddy” and always has been. He’s an amazing father so my son has no holes he feels need to be filled.
I’m aware that he may ask more questions as an adult, but I plan to be as vague as possible. Make him believe it was just some one night stand or something. The truth would just destroy him.
Is the rapist trying to claim parental rights? Does he pay child support?
He he fighting the petition to terminate his rights. He hasn’t made any attempt to contact my son, but he’s trying to make it as difficult as possible for my husband to adopted him.
I never sued for child support because that would give him an open to visitation rights. I have done everything I can to protect my son from him.
He is a rotten human being. Still wants to feel powerful my making you feel miserable.
That’s exactly why he’s doing this. It’s always been about power. 9 Years later and he still holds some power in my life. He isn’t going to give it up.
Have you ever been scared of your child ending up like the father?
Absolutely! It’s one of my biggest fears. But my husband and I are raising him to respect everyone, not just women. I will do whatever it takes to raise him to be a productive and successful member of society.
Has this created fear of intimacy or having future children ?
Initially it was extremely difficult for me to enjoy intimate moments. But then I met my now husband when my son was 16 months old.
He was patient and sweet and our relationship was about more than sex, so I grew to trust him and allow myself to enjoy the intimacy with him.
Still, every year, the month of June I subconsciously shut down the “funky town train”. My husband always understands and allows me to initiate when I’m ready to be intimate again.
Due to my amazing husband’s patience, we have actually had 3 more children in the last 5 years.
What advice do you have for people in your situation who did not get the rape allegation immediately pursued?
EMDR therapy! You may not be able to put your rapist away, but at least you can work through the trauma and not let it control your life. Take back your life!
What is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) EMDR.com explains the process. Basically it reprograms your brain to dissociate the emotion from an event. It’s extremely helpful for all forms of PTSD. 🙂
How did going through the emdr therapy feel?
The first few weeks were ROUGH… soooooo much was brought up and I wanted to quit so many times. But it’s amazing how the process works through your trauma, separating the emotion from the event.
For about 3 days after each session you will feel everything again. But by the 4th or 5th day, the portion of your trauma you worked on during that session is suddenly easier to think about without breaking down.
It’s really the most indescribable experience.