1. I can’t do anything but laugh/cry at this point. On Monday night my wife laying next to me rolled over and showed interest. It’s been a 14 year relationship. 6 of them dead bedroom.
She started by kissing my ear and I thought what do you want. It got to the point a year ago where I stopped trying entirely. I had now gotten body issues and severely depressed from the all the rejections and can’t connect with her physically out of a mental trigger of fear of rejection or something.
Anyway she rolled over. Kissed my ear. Put her arm around me and gave me a tug to roll over. I kissed her back. After about 5 minutes I finally am hard. I’ve found it almost impossible to get hard around her now. Still maintain 2 twice a day but my brains been rewired to simply not engage with her.
So I’m hard and she just keeps tugging to get me on top. I’ve spoken to her multiple times about hating on top and her starfishing. It’s gross and I feel like a rapist because she keeps the lights off and doesn’t move. Literally will go limp and doesn’t kiss.
We start doing it. I’m on top heaving away trying to keep it consistent, my body off hers so I’m not crushing her. No sound. No lights. Pitch black. No legs pulling me in. I literally could feel myself starting to tear up. I hate this. I know what happens next. She cums. Tells me to hurry up and finish. And then grabs her phone to watch something god awful and depressing reality tv.
And it does. She cums and I slow down. She give a little jiggle under me and pulls my butt in. Words leave her mouth – ‘go go go faster faster’ which in my mind translate to ‘get the fk off me you disgusting ugly piece of trash, I got what I wanted don’t you fkn dare kiss me.’
The worst part… I’m a guy. I Can’t fake cum. I’m pounding away for another 5 straight minutes same position. She yawns but tells me to finish and cum. There’s literally a tear running down my face in the darkness. I finish.
She gets up, doesn’t say a thing, goes to the bathroom for a minute. Jumps in bed while I’m sitting there feeling completely violated and alienated. She opens up her shows on her phone and starts to watch. I curl up on my side and pretend to go to sleep while holding back the crying pre-shakes.
So that was my start to the week. How was yours.
2. My wife of 4 years has essentially stopped having sex with me. Maybe 1-2 times per year when the stars align and the circumstances are exactly perfect in her mind.
I get the usual excuses: tired, headache, bloated, period, “tomorrow, I promise”, all of that. A few months ago she said it stresses her out when I ask her for sex. Also that she doesn’t like when I try to touch her ass or leg or anything because she said the expectation of sex is too much. So I stopped doing that. For a couple months solid, I just bit my tongue and beat off a lot.
So the other night after the kids when to sleep, it was still kind of early, all the chores and crap were done, it was just a nice calm evening. I sat on the couch to watch a movie and when she came into the room I said to her “hey, come sit with me for a little bit”. Truly no ulterior motive. But wanted to get and give a little affection which is mostly non existent most days. Her response was “no, I’m good”. And not like she was off to do anything else. Just sat on the other couch looking at that stupid fucking cell phone.
Then just this afternoon, the youngest was taking a nap and my oldest was at her parents house for the day. A rare kid free moment in the day time and I suggested maybe we could fool around and she said “stop harassing me”. That’s a quote. And it really hurt. I literally hadn’t suggested or asked for anything in like 2 months because she said to. But asking to cuddle up on the couch and then a suggestion of sex equals harassment.
After those last two encounters, I think I’ll go ahead and declare this bedroom dead now.
3. Been married for 4 years now. Sex wasn’t that great in the beginning to begin with and I thought that things would get better but little did I know that the frequency and the quality will only take a nose dive to ZERO. Never underestimate how wrong you can be about relationships. I’m just sick and tired of being humiliated and undesired to this level. I work out 5 days a week, I’m in the best shape of my life yet she doesn’t even want to work/explore with me to may be have a good marital life with just average sex if not the best. Nope, she acts like as if sex doesn’t have to exist here in this house and would refuse to talk about it. Every time I try to bring up this topic, it’s another crying session so the conversation would stop.
I don’t even dress in front of her anymore. I’ve understood my value and I have decided to file for divorce. Already interviewed 3 attorneys. All suggested me to spend the remaining cash towards my credit card debt before filing.
I have to go live in this hell of a desert bedroom.
4. Him making jokes about how we fuck when watch a see a sex scene in a movie. Him telling his friends we do it as he jokes around with them. Him even joking to me about how we “supposedly do it”. What really set me off is his mom calling and telling us to take a shower everytime we’re back from getting groceries (because of COVID). Then him saying “oh I definitively make her take her clothes off everytime she’s in the room. Wink wink.” Cringe. Stop it. Just fucking stop. It’s all not true and you know it.
5. I left my wife. We would have been married for 4 years this October. Been together 8 and we had never had sex. Nothing. Not once.
She said it was her religious beliefs when we were dating, and I had no intention of pressuring her over that.
After we got married, the excuses came in. “I just started birth control and it takes a bit to set in”, “I dont like how the pill makes me feel, I want to get off of it before we try”, “this is too painful”, “i dont feel sexy”, “im on my period”, “I dont want to have sex on a work night”, “im too tired”, “i dont like your breath if you’ve had a drink”, “youre working out of town and I dont like the pressure when youre home”, “we need to have better communication”, “i want to clean the bedding”, “i have catholic guilt”, “we can have sex after we rearrange the bedroom furniture”, and on and on and fucking on.
I learned to hate myself because of it.
She started off saying “this is my fault. I need to deal with my own personal issues”, and that evolved into “well you know it takes two” and now that I’ve left she told me that her sex drive has returned and that the pressure I put on her caused her to shut down.
She got drunk and kissed another guy while I was working out of town and then had the fucking gall to tell me that she talked to her friends and that they all agree that it wasn’t cheating, that “we all think hes gay anyways”, and that I shouldn’t let him live “rent free in my head”.
After she did that, I tried to forgive her. I begged her to never hurt me like that again. And I dont think she ever did something so egregious. Instead she let me suffer silently.
She lived off of the comfort and affection that I constantly showed to her, and never reciprocated in the ways that I need.
I’m only thankful for the fact that I got out before we ever had bought a house together or (by some miracle) had a child.
Its been almost a month now since I left and I’ve had my own place for almost a week. Its strange but Im glad to be here now.
I feel guilty about pursuing sex from other women and I dont know how to resolve it. I know I shouldn’t. If you asked me to my face if I should feel guilty or not, I would say that I know I shouldn’t. But fuck is there a mental block there.
We’ve had to talk a few times just to resolve technicalities about our rent and possessions, and every time she makes sure to end the conversation and tell me she loves me. If she did, why would she have let me suffer like this for so long?
6. My wife told me she’d “rather you fuck a prostitute than us having sex”
Honestly, I’m just at a loss. It’s been five months since we had sex. Since she begrudgingly agreed to “just do it and get it over with”. That was hot, lemme tell you.
I thought she was just kidding at first but when I asked if she was serious she turned back to her phone and said “yeah would make my life easier”.
I’m not fucking fine with it. I don’t want to have sex with a prostitute. That’s fucking absurd. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Is that too much to ask??
7. I have been married to my wife for 24 years, where the last 15 have been a dead bedroom and haven’t had sex in the last 12 years. We have three daughters, the last of which is about to leave for college in January as she has taken an early acceptance and is on full scholarship. The oldest has completed her degree, the middle is in her Jr year, and is fully funded by her employer so we have no college expenses (for now).
When we dated, I thought my wife was HL (high libido). Through our dating period and our engagement we nearly had sex every day and many times multiple times a day. Thought I had hit the jackpot. Sex slowed down with kids, and then fell off a cliff a few years after the last when she decided that there would be no more kids (she had talked about wanting four early on) and then completely stopped all together 12 years ago.
I have communicated that this makes me feel unloved, that I’m frustrated but she doesn’t care. I know many will ask why I didn’t divorce, and I strongly contemplated it. However I wanted to be in my daughters’ lives and I knew that if I divorced, that wouldn’t happen. Also my wife is a terrible manager of money. I have tried to manage the finances and she spends nearly everything immediately as it comes in. We’re technically very deep in debt despite my high income (low 100’s). I’ve tried to talk to her about this and to work on it, get counseling or whatever and she refuses and screams that I don’t love her when that happens. If I left, I knew she would cut me off from my daughters, and spend all money into oblivion and my daughters would probably grow up in poverty.
I made the decision to bear the burden and shut up so my daughters would have me in their life, I would be able to go to their recitals, take them to their games, help them with their homework, and make sure they had a loving father in their lives. I know people say kids can sense when their parents aren’t happy and it takes a toll, but I knew their lives would be worse without me. I never complained to them, kept a happy face and devoted myself to raising them the best I could.
Now that my youngest is getting ready to move on, so am I. I have done my duty, my daughters are wonderful women who have provided themselves great educations, and I feel that my sacrifice paid off and was worth it but I’m done sacrificing.
I am trying to keep it a secret that I’m leaving once the youngest has gone to college, but my facade is starting to fall. My wife the other night made one of her jabs at me that if I didn’t take out the trash we would never have sex again, which led me to laugh and to reply “That’s kind of a hollow threat, don’t you think?” and she just looked at me with a shocked face, which for the life of me I don’t know why.
She tried to make some comment about us enjoying being empty nesters, and the only thing I could reply with was “Honey, it’s less than two minutes in the fourth, and I’m taking a knee.” I’d be surprised if she didn’t know that I’m leaving come January but maybe she is oblivious. I don’t care if she gets the house. She can take my entire 401k, I don’t care. I’m close to the finish line and even if I have to live in poverty I’m going to be free.
8. I left a 30 year relationship with my ex wife a few years ago. I went 14 years without sex. I became dependent on porn and sex toys. It turn into a natural thing for me. The part that made me leave was a few years ago she stopped everything. No kisses no hand holding, just nothing. I had always kept a safe distance from woman (stay away from temptation) and I was good at it. Never ever cheated on her. I guess my head finally said enough is enough.
I wanted a partner for travel and plays and music and sex and talking and walks and life. I called it quits and that was that.
Then a wonderful thing happened. A lady from work asked me out. We decided to just go and hang out in downtown Toronto. I went and picked her up and we started our date. She took me on the most romantic day. She won my heart that day. I told her as we got more involved about some of my problems like porn and we worked them out We have been together for 18 months and life is great. We goto shows and events and hold hands and kiss like crazy. I got a passport and went on 3 vacations. Salt water is amazing. Sex was a problem for me at the beginning. Not being able to finish or to fast or not working at all. Porn had really fucked up my ideas of sex. We worked it all out. I don’t watch porn and i have not used my toys since. Last year we created a little game last year based on a statement I heard many many years ago.
When you start dating put a jelly Bean in a jar everytime you have sex . Then when you get married take one out each time you have sex. You will never empty the container the saying says. Last year we started an O jar. We put 5 dollars in our jar everytime you get an orgasms from the other person. We counted them last week. She had 120 and I had 140 $5 bills in the 2 jars. We’re going to Cuba for a week. I am in my 50s and I am having so much fun and stuff. I never new this was possible for me. I know my life could have turned out any way but I was willing to take the chance. I took the chance because it was me making a choice. Me taking charge of my life. I am not saying it was easy. I lost alot. I am still feeling the losses of not seeing my daughter and grandkids very often. They moved away with my ex. But I am happy in my core. Knowing I am loved and being able to love is amazing. Being wanted in so many ways makes you feel unbelievable.