We’ve seen it time and time again. That one co-worker who is obese but is only attracted to people of a healthy weight, that one cousin who prefers to date highly successful people but have no ambition whatsoever, and that one friend who you love to death but they carry themselves like they’re in a post-apocalyptic era and for some reason they only want to date Instagram models.
And it’s not that we don’t think it could ever happen because we’ve seen a lot of people defy the odds and get the satisfaction of throwing a middle finger up at society’s expectations but the truth is that more often than not it doesn’t end up that way. I personally don’t put too much weight on leagues but that doesn’t mean that society doesn’t have certain social constructs and hierarchies that we still observe.
Most people want someone who is on their level or higher when it comes to attractiveness, finances, intelligence, education, social status etc. These matter a lot to some people while others care more about sharing fundamental values. So for example, my mom is a professor and published author and my dad is a plumber who owns his own business but barely made it out of high school alive. A lot of people wondered how he managed to snag my mom but what they didn’t understand was that they already shared a lot core values and he put in the work as well.
Here’s the thing, my father didn’t just sit there and hope that this gorgeous professor would just magically fall for him. He put in the work and even showed her that in some ways he was out of her league as well. She had a more attractive face but he had a way better physique and he eventually helped her to get fit. She was more educated but he was better at business and ended up helping her start her own. Oh, and he’s a great handy man and really good cook. He didn’t complain about how highly educated women like her were shallow for not dating blue collar men like him who weren’t as sophisticated or eloquent. He also didn’t push himself to be something he wasn’t. He worked on his weaknesses and presented his strengths, and went after what he wanted with reasonable expectations.
What I’m trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with having higher than average standards because I feel like some of you do. Some of you aren’t just looking for simple love and companionship. Some of you are looking for a partner that will wow you. You secretly want someone to make you feel validated. You want someone who is smarter than you, more attractive than you, funnier than you, more charismatic, more successful etc. You want someone from the top percentile to notice how good of a person you are and give you a chance. I get it and that’s totally fine. But understand that you’re going to have to put in the work and stop being bitter and disappointed when the guy/girl who you and everyone else is chasing after ends up being more picky because they have more options.
My intention isn’t to come on here and make you feel less worthy and tell you that you can never find the person of you dreams. All I’m saying is that just like how you have certain expectations, other people will have their own too and the goal here is to ensure that you’re both satisfied with what the other person is bringing to the table. So for example, if you want someone who is very intelligent you have to think about what that person wants in return. Do they want someone equally as intelligent or do they care more about looks and humor? This will help you to evaluate your chances and decide if this is someone you want to put effort into pursuing.