I made a general list of red flags in women. Every situation is different. Not every red flag necessarily means the relationship is doomed, sometimes you need to just work around it. This isn’t an all inclusive list, and can usually work for both genders, but I was requested to make one specifically for women.
1. If she isn’t responding/engaging in conversation – She’s most likely not interested, and if she is, is it really worth it? If a girl wants to talk to you, she WILL. Nobody waits days to answer someone they’re genuinely interested in.
2. If she’s obsessed with you – This might seem great at first, but can turn south quick. Codependency is not healthy, and can create a foundation for control, manipulation, and abuse later on. It’s better to have a life outside of your relationship, rather than let your life revolve around it.
3. Always expects you to pay/bad with money – This might not be an issue right away, but can come back to bite you in the ass in the long run. How can you build a future if your partner can’t stop spending? How do you feel about being the breadwinner? Why should it be your responsibility to pay for everything?
4. My exes are psycho – This one take with a grain of salt, because sometimes people legitimately just have bad luck dating and reading people. But in a lot of situations there’s one common denominator and a reason their relationships ended badly. So stay on your toes.
5. She slaps/hits you if she’s upset – Physical violence is NEVER okay in a relationship, man or woman. If your date/SO hurts you in some way, run. If they do it once, it’s likely it will happen again, and could be much worse. Not to be confused with play fighting or BDSM in the bedroom, which if consented to by both parties, is okay.
6. She makes her mental health your problem – A lot of people legitimately have mental health issues, but it is not okay to make them someone else’s responsibility. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around them all of the time. If they can’t handle their emotions on a day to day basis, they have no business being in a relationship. If they ever ever ever say “if you leave me, I’ll kill myself”, run like the wind. Contact police, family, whoever you need to, to get them the help they need. But that’s the end of your responsibility. That is nothing but an abuse/control tactic and is never okay.
7. Showers you with gifts and affection, but uses it against you – This one is tricky. Have you ever heard of “love-bombing”? Basically, someone will shower you with affection, but use it against you later. “I did XYZ for you, and you can’t appreciate it?” You didn’t ask for it, you don’t owe them anything. It’s manipulation.
8. Makes fun of you for humor – She’ll joke about your flaws or make rude comments, but say “babe it was just a joke”. There’s always some truth behind every one, and a lot of people will use humor as an excuse to make fun of you/complain about you. If it hurts your feelings, it was probably meant to even though she said it wasn’t. Don’t encourage those mind games. If it’s a one off situation it might be an honest mistake, but if it’s reoccurring, run.
9. She’s always picking a fight – As much as people like to say “relationships are work”, they shouldn’t be like this. Relationships really should be a source of stress relief. If everything you do is a problem to her, you need to find someone where it isn’t. You shouldn’t have to fight for a relationship, it should come naturally.
10. She doesn’t say what she means – This is a big issue I hear talked about a lot. “Women never say what they mean”. That just means she has poor communication skills and expects you to just read her mind. Nobody is a mind reader, and relationships don’t work without communication. I promise you that the women out there who are worth it, will tell you exactly what they want. How are you supposed to know unless she tells you? That’s not fair to you.
11. She plays the poor me act – Some people are truly down on their luck. But for some they use it as a tool to manipulate you. They just need some help back on their feet, but never seem to actually get back on their feet. They’re usually just using you as a meal ticket.
12. She only talks about her ex – Sometimes this is unavoidable if they’ve spent years of their life with an ex. However, this is often a sign they are not over them or might be comparing you to them. You shouldn’t have to compete for your partner.
13. She isn’t consistent – If some days she’s super interested, and other days she’s not. She might be working, might have other commitments, but watch for patterns. If she’s hot and cold all of the time, you might not be the only one on her radar. If she does have other commitments, are you okay with working around those?
14. She has cheated, or indicates she’s cheated in the past – If your partner has cheated, there’s a very good chance they may do it again. A lot of cheaters just become sneakier once caught, and will tell you whatever you want to hear to not lose you. You can never erase that memory from the relationship. If she’s cheated in the past, what were the circumstances? Use your best judgement, people do grow and change, but some never will. If she cheated on someone with you, use caution.
You might be thinking, well how do I find a woman that doesn’t have any of these red flags? If it were easy, everyone would be in great relationships. But it’s not. Sometimes you need to sift through hundreds of women before you find her. It is not worth dating someone who doesn’t give you the love and affection you deserve. Again, this list does not include all red flags, but just some major ones I see come up a lot.
I can’t link anything here, but look of different types of emotional abuse tactics. Read them, get familiar with them, and save yourself some hurt in the future.
Remember, you never are obligated to stay in a relationship. Their life is NOT your responsibility. Take care of yourself first. And communicate, communicate, communicate.
– sasspancakes