How did you accidentally kill your opponent?
I honestly think the fight was rigged in my favor i even talked about this with my dad.
I came into the fight at 6’4 and 248lbs while my opponent was 5’11 and around 220, sure some fighters are ligther but it was fairly unusual to have an almost 30lb difference, coupled with the fact he was younger,less experienced and overall not a very good fighter.
The fight lasted for 2 rounds, and it was an absolute beatdown, i myself motioned to the ref a few times to stop the fight but he ignored me. I expected his team to throw the towel but nobody seemed to be phased that he was a swollen bloody mess. He eventually took 1 hit too much and collapsed, i knew right away something was wrong becaused he was swarmed by medical staff and i was basically pushed out the ring while yelling “Whats going on?” that night i learned that he died after a brain hemmorhage. i myself didnt see it but someone did tell me that he started having a seizure in the ring.
Why didn’t you just choose to stop yourself?
You cant really “stop” a fight as a fighter. i did avoid hitting him towards the end and clinched him as much as i could hoping it would exhaust him but i was warned by the ref that i would be disqualified if i avoided to fight.
Why do you think it was rigged?
Im convinced that it was rigged or tipped in my favor, to start the guy actually moved up a class as he wasnt a natural heavyweight and was not a very good fighter, at one point his eyes were almost swollen shut and the ref and medical team still gave him the thumbs up to fight.
Literally at some points couldnt even see where i was and would lower his guard. i dont know 100% if it was rigged or not but if it was, whoever earned money off that fight has blood on their hands and i genuinely wish them the worst for ruining mine and ending his life.
What happens in scenarios like this when someone dies in a ring. Do you get questioned by police?
I was not charged criminally and his family never pressed charges.
How did the weight of knowing you accidentally killed someone affected you?
The night that i found out it didnt really hit me right away, i showered and slept fine strangely enough. In the morning when i woke up it hit me like a truck. Had a massive panick attack to the point where my dad and brother literally had to restrain me because i couldnt control myself.
I literally went through the 5 stages of grief during the first week or so, I went from thinking that he isnt dead but just in a coma, to offering his family money to pay for the funeral, to screaming and crying so much that i lost my voice and finally straight up went numb for weeks and barely ate and talked.
During the entire ordeal nobody from the boxing federation reached out to me, nobody asked how i was and if im ok instead there were already plans for the next fight to take place and the whole time i was thinking “hold on i just killed someone and you treat him as a disposable?” like this man was literally dead and nobody batted an eye. suicidal thoughts and such followed but thankfully both mine and his family were insanely supportive and so was my trainer.
Do you ever find yourself dwelling on it?
Yeah there have been days where its all I’ve thought about, theres been days where i would literally have an existential crisis and have a mental breakdown while praying that i dont go to hell for killing someone, days where i spent the entire day just praying for him and for his forgiveness. I’m not a very religious person but when those sort of days occur faith really does help me.
Have you been to therapy?
I havent been to therapy as of writing this, thought about it and my family did plead with me for a bit but me being young at the time i just thought that i could “tough it out” in a sense like everything else. it was a huge mistake and going to therapy right away probably would have helped drastically, however with time and by talking to his family the wounds have slightly healed, but i have contemplated therapy for a long time (sadly where im from theres a stigma that people who see therapists are mentally ill) but i probably will seek it in the near future just to patch up some unhealed traumas the best i can.
Were you on your way to a high level spot in the sport?
I was far away from that but i was still a fairly promising boxer. i gained some traction as a prospect because of my burly build and punching power but other than that i was not a potential world class boxer by any means.
Do you plan on ever returning to the ring?
Never, it was my last fight and these days i dont even follow boxing.