My wife came out. She saw it fitting with it being June and all. Her dad recently passed. He was infamously homophobic, so much so he disowned my wife’s brother for being gay.
We have been together for 24 years. We started dating at 20 and married at 25. We’re now 44 an 43. We had a family. 3 children from 16 to 10. They’re lives are about to be torn apart thanks to a divorce.
As I said, we started dating when I was 19 and she was 20. I gave her my entire youth. While my friends were out partying with other women and experiencing their early 20s, I was in with my girlfriend. While my friends had finally made it out of college and started working and living alone with expendable income, I was married. When my friends were in their late 20s early 30s, I was with my wife and our baby.
All do this was worth it however. I loved my wife and was willing to give up those things to be with her. The sacrifice was worth it. She didn’t though. What I thought was 2 decades of bliss was agony for her. Forcing herself to be okay with sex with me. We only made “love” once or twice every few weeks. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. It’s just that she didn’t want me.
I’m mad. I’m furious with her and hateful toward her. I get it. She was so far in to this lie that it was difficult to find a way out. However, she still lied. She lied to me for nearly a quarter of a century. I built my life with someone who I thought wanted to be with me on a lie she fed me. I gave over half of my entire life. I gave her my everything and she didn’t even want it.
And now she expects me to understand. She wants for me to be supportive and to not see her as a villain in this. I can’t. What she did is villainous. What she has done is worse than cheating. This is heartbreaking and I can’t help but hate her.
But I can’t. I have to keep a unified loving front for my kids. So they can still view their mother with love and not as the villain she was been to me.
I just hate this and her.