1. My wife and I went over a year without. It was rough. Neither one of us were communicating what we needed, and ended up resenting the other. The key factor here was communication. Once we opened up and acknowledged what the other needed, things have been much better all around. It’s not easy to fix, but like most problems, talking to the other person is the only way.
2. She stopped taking birth control, and I got a vasectomy. Her hormones went NUTS when she stopped, and we were having sex constantly. My penis actually hurt. It was such a good pain because we were finally having good, passionate, frequent sessions again. Like how we did when we first got together. Eventually, her hormones leveled out, and now we do it about 2-3 times a week. I felt so unattractive when she didn’t want to have sex. She said she did love me and she was still physically attracted to me, and she wished she had wanted to be more intimate. She was always dry and just never seemed to enjoy herself. She said it was the pill. It was the hormones. I didn’t believe her. I was like, no way, can a hormonal pill do that to you.
Yeah, I was wrong.
I feel terrible now for all the shit she had to put up from me about sex. Sex is very important to both of us, but when she was on the pill, she felt like she was constantly on her period. When she’s on her period, she says she feels zero sexual desire and doesn’t even want me touching her. I couldn’t believe the difference after she got off the pill. It made me feel so terrible to know that she basically didn’t feel like herself for 5 years.
3. I got viagra. Long story short I spent two years not having sex with my wife. Hit my late 30s and things just weren’t working as well as they used to. My wife asked me point blank one day if I wanted to give viagra a try. I was initially offended but she offered me one on the spot. She had gotten it from her best friend whose husband also used them. We had amazing sex that night and I felt this sense of relief. We went at it like newly weds. Three times in 12 hours. I got a prescription and we’ve had a great sex life for the last three years. At least twice a week. Many times more than that. Depends on the week.
4. Lost weight and started lifting, put my phone down, became helpful around the house, stopped porn, talked it through, and scheduled it 2-3 times a week.
5. I had some part of my brain unlocked after doing magic mushrooms.
Went through a bout of not really wanting to have sex with my wife. Ate about three grams of magic mushrooms, had some good laughs and self reflection. Then a week after I just “wanted” her more, there was more attraction to her, it’s weird but it’s almost like a flipped a switch.
6. My wife and I communicated how we felt about sex in an open, judgment free way. She told me what she needs, I told her what I need. She reminded me what gets her going, and I did the same(it can change, believe me).
If your relationship has a healthy foundation, almost anything can be fixed, most problems avoided. You need to COMMUNICATE and let them know you love them and care about their needs just as much if not more than your own.
Sex is at least a two person affair, it’s not just about you.