1. We keep dating. We never stopped dating. We absolutely prioritize us over anything and anyone else.
We make a point of nonsexual touching and kissing frequently.
We have a lot of sex. You have to make this a commitment. Schedule it if need be.This is the cement of your bond.
We express appreciation and gratitude to each other. We know he is better at some things, and I am better at other things, and we are a team for a mutual cause. No competition.
No mind games. We work hard at identifying times we might be manipulative or passive-aggressive and call each other on it.
We keep other people out of our relationship.
We keep working on open, transparent communication. We keep trying to be empathetic and not jump to conclusions or make assumptions — those are very bad.
And very emphatically, we are each other’s safe place — emotionally, physically, spiritually, psychologically. If he expresses an emotionality, I will NEVER bring that into his face ever again, and vice versa.
2. 13 years and he is my bestfriend. No secret really other than you have to marry someone you actually genuinely like to spend time with on a day to day basis. We both like gaming but do it separately, we watch shows together in the evenings. We also tickle each other and goof around though and we’ve always averaged 4-5 times a week for sex. We have two kids, 11 and 4.
3. Just hit 10 years and never happier. I’m 45 and my wife is 43, we have two kids 8 and 9. We’ve definitely had ups and downs though, especially when the kids were younger. Once they got a little older and both in school we were able to plan our routines a little better. We make it a point to do nights away, date nights etc. one thing that has never wavered is our sex life. I come on to her almost every day, even if I’m not totally feeling it. Obviously we don’t have sex every night but I know she loves that I still try!
We also had a rough couple of years recently, both losing our Mothers and we both had a health scare. This brought us so much closer together and we were really there for one another. We totally divide house work, kid duties, cooking etc. That’s huge and honestly, its something I had to adjust because I simply wasn’t pulling my weight when we had two babies. Marriage is work no doubt but if you love each other it’s the best work you can do. Communicate calmly your concerns and if you married a reasonable man he will listen. Good luck and keep working at it!
4. We talk to each other everyday multiple times a day even when at work. We consider each other all the time. Hubby picked me up some particular food i love on his way home and i got him a snack that he loves. Doing that kinda stuff adds up over time to ensure you’re growing together. I always say on here to treat each other as you would want to be treated, as a general rule of thumb and to consider the effect or impact your behavior, actions, speech, may have on your spouse, and proceed accordingly.
5. We’re 27 years in(30 together) and our “secret” has always been respect and genuinely liking each other. Everything always comes back to those two things. We’re best friends. We enjoy spending time together, teasing each other, and just having fun together. We’re technically child free now that we sent our youngest off to college back in August. We became pet parents for the first time in September so that’s something we’ve been working on together which has been a doozy but fun.
6. Here’s the secret: Spend time with each other. Put down devices, give each other a massage, talk, experience all the things that made you fall in love in the first place. Rekindle your romance, make each other feel special.
Just today I booked a PTO day with my boss to spend with my wife. We’ll go hiking (a shared hobby), go to lunch, see a movie. Our kids are high needs, so date nights are tricky.
Source: Married 28 years, half-a-dozen kids.
7. Been married nearly 19 years. I’m 43, him 46 and 16yr old twins. For me it’s always been about spending time together, talking and keeping intimacy. I don’t mean always sexual intimacy…holding hands, cuddling, kissing etc that’s always been so important to me. Of course there have been ups and downs and times we’ve drifted apart, but generally we’ve worked it through, communication and spending time together.
But through the tough times knowing that you are on the same page…the end goal is always to be together, love each other.
When my hubby was having chemotherapy we would always sit and chat, laugh, make jokes etc. Two separate nurses on different occasions commented on how we are actually friends and talk to each other…I was like huh?? Why wouldn’t we talk to each other and enjoy each others company!
As with anything it takes work and commitment to each other. When the kids are young it is harder as they take up so much energy, physically and emotionally. Take time for each other, get a babysitter, have dates nights, take time to talk, show interest in each others day, even talking about the small inconsequential things…it all matters.
I said earlier about general intimacy, I can’t stress this enough! For us at least, it’s always been so important. Again harder when the kids are young, but that general day to day intimacy really keeps the connection and has often led to the more sexual moments…like long foreplay!
8. On old love:
No one and I mean no one believed in us, all family members and friends at the time. They are gone, we are here and very happy. Together 45 years, if you lived together before marriage, that counts. Count it proudly. This is the math of love.
You fall in love when young and it’s fire-hot. You don’t just fall in love with him or her, you unknowingly fall in love with all that they will become. You *evolve*. It’s an adventure.
All young and full of heat, you don’t even notice you’re doing that One Big Right Thing, you *believe* in them, but more, you support their dreams. The #1 thing I say to you all is this: believe in and support their dreams and you will learn, build, and achieve True Love. Smartest thing I ever did.
We are old now, damned sure beat up. No medical care rivals the care of a loved one. We’re in sad decline, but, we enjoy every day, every meal I cook, every stupid joke, every good thing big and small.
A fine thing a man can do is brag on his wife. She became a full bird Colonel. She won in Command and General Staff school, she saved thousands of lives, she saved over 500 Soldiers lives in Afghanistan back in the day. She lost not a single Soldier’s life. Ever.
I have awards for spousal support for a Veteran. Not really important, but, I was there to support everyone, through her.
Love does not care who is the more important. Love cares about who just plugs into love. Love is greater than you or me.
I do not know you. I wish for you True Love, a spouse to brag on, kids who respect you, and a good memory.
And an adventure.