I’m 21F and ugly as a pig. I have a birth defect that causes asymmetry and makes my speech kinda wobbly and stuff. On most days it doesn’t bother me much, I get by. I have my puppy, jobs here and there, I’m very close with my family.
But then I go out. No guy ever looks at me. Even if I’m hanging out with people and there are guys, they don’t glance at me or say a word at me. Even if I ask them a question, they don’t answer.
All I’ve ever wanted in life is to have a husband and kids and a happy home. It sounds cheesy and really fucking stupid but I doubt I’ll ever even have a real healthy relationship because I am just so ugly. If a guy was into me, he’d judt be settling. I don’t want to be settled for. So I guess I’ll just never experience anyone liking or loving me romantically. It’s very hard and a girl I know is having her second kid and I haven’t ever even kissed anyone because apparently no one wants to kiss me.
The acquaintances I have keep telling me it’ll happen but they just don’t understand that it won’t. It’s kinda hard to date and kiss guys when they don’t even acknowledge your existance.
Oh my dear, my heart aches for you. The pain and loneliness you describe is so palpable and understandable. It’s a fundamental human need to feel seen, acknowledged, and loved – especially romantically. Your yearning for a husband, children and happy home is far from stupid. It’s a beautiful dream shared by many.
I want to be very clear on this – your worth is not defined by your appearance or by male attention. You are so much more than what’s on the surface. The fact that you have ambitions, care for a puppy, work hard, and have a tight-knit family says a lot about your character. Those are the qualities that make a person truly attractive.
Society places far too much emphasis on conventional beauty standards. But real love – the deep, enduring kind – looks beyond that. It sees the uniqueness of a person’s spirit, the magic of their heart.
I know it feels impossible to imagine right now, but there are people out there capable of appreciating you for all that you are. Perhaps you haven’t met them yet. Perhaps they are still growing and learning to see with clearer eyes. Don’t let the ignorance or superficiality of some define your self-worth.
Continue investing in yourself and in what brings you joy and meaning. Nurture your wonderful bonds with family. There are many kinds of love in this life and romantic love is just one of them. Pursue your interests, be kind to yourself and others. Let your incredible resilience and zest for life shine through.
In navigating these feelings, it might help to expand your social network in contexts where personality and passions can shine brighter than physical appearance. Perhaps there are clubs, groups, or volunteer organizations in your area that align with your interests—places where you can meet people who share your values and enthusiasms. These settings can be more conducive to forming genuine connections because they focus on common interests rather than appearances.
Also, it may be beneficial to continue discussing these feelings with someone who can provide professional guidance, like a therapist. Therapy can be a great space to explore your self-image and learn strategies to bolster your self-esteem. It can also provide tools to help you navigate and challenge the societal pressures that so harshly define beauty and worth.
When you are living as your fullest self, you’ll be in a much better position to find and build healthy relationships.
Lastly, try to remember that life’s timelines are as varied as the people who live them. The fact that someone you know is on a different path does not diminish the potential of your journey. It’s okay to move at your own pace and in your own way.
You are deserving of love and happiness, not as a settlement, but as a celebration of who you are. Keep your heart open and your head held high. You have much to offer, and there is much still to come.
Warmest regards