I’m 22 and sleeping with a 50 year old woman and I can’t stop. I know how wrong it is, but I’ve never experienced anything like it. She’s been married longer than I’ve been alive. I’ve been actively pursuing her since I was 18 and this year it finally happened.
On top of all of this I’m currently talking to one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met. She’s so perfect and everything I could want in a woman. She’s my age. I’ve always been so rough around the edges. Such a hard person to accept and love. She does though.
I don’t know what I’m going to do when I make things official with her. I want to say I’m going to do the right thing and end things, but this older woman has opened my eyes and allowed me to experience certain sexual things I may never have the chance to again.
When the older woman tells me I make her hate her husband and we talk about all kinds of things (hope, dreams, aspirations) it just enables me more. I don’t know if he knows/suspects or not. I don’t ask. I’ve never been a overly sexual person, but all the sneaking around is so hot. Having to keep it from everyone is hot. It’s just not something I’m ready to give up.
Dear conflicted young man,
Oh boy. You’ve certainly stirred up quite a storm here, haven’t you? Let’s unpack this situation, because there’s a lot to address.
First off, let’s be crystal clear: what you’re doing is wrong. Full stop. You’re actively participating in the betrayal of a marriage and potentially destroying a family. The thrill you’re getting from the secrecy doesn’t justify the harm you’re causing.
Now, I understand the allure of an experienced partner and the excitement of forbidden fruit. But here’s the thing: this isn’t just about you and your desires. There are real people with real feelings involved, and the fallout from this affair could be devastating.
You mention that this older woman tells you that you make her hate her husband. That’s a huge red flag. If she’s unhappy in her marriage, that’s for her to address with her spouse, not use as justification for an affair with someone three decades her junior.
As for the amazing woman your age – you’re doing her a massive disservice by continuing this affair. You say she accepts and loves you, yet you’re betraying her trust before you’ve even made things official. Is that really how you want to start a relationship with someone you describe as “perfect”?
You’re 22. You have your whole life ahead of you to explore and experience. But doing so at the expense of others’ happiness and trust is not the way to go about it. The sexual experiences you’re having now might seem irreplaceable, but I promise you, there are plenty of ways to explore your sexuality ethically and without causing harm to others.
It’s time to make some tough decisions:
- End the affair immediately. No ifs, ands, or buts.
- Be honest with yourself about whether you’re ready for a committed relationship with the woman your age. If you can’t be faithful now, you’re not ready.
- Consider talking to a therapist about why you’ve been pursuing this married woman since you were 18. There might be some underlying issues there worth exploring.
- Remember that character is about doing the right thing even when it’s hard, even when no one is watching.
You have the power to stop this before it causes even more damage. Use it. Growing up means taking responsibility for our actions and their consequences. It’s time to step up and be the kind of man that amazing woman deserves – and that you deserve to be.