I caught my wife sexting with another man on a secret TIkTOK account she uses. In 2014 I caught her sexting an old manager / boyfriend and it took a lot out of me. I truly loved her and felt betrayed and lied to.
My wife did everything she could to keep this “fling” hidden. I came home early and could hear her saying sexual things and I just stood in the living room and picked up what I could.
When confronted she said “our relationship was new and she is confused.” At that time we had just moved in together ,she was a bartender and her boss was an older married man. Judging by the conversation and text messages at that time I believe they were meeting up at a local park late into the night.
When I found that out it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I still loved her but we had a lease and neither of us was in a position to go anywhere. I never truly forgave her for that and I’m sure my behavior changed. I have no doubt my love for her shifted but we eventually moved on.
10 years went by and we have two wonderful sons. I work full time in finance and she is a stay at home mom. Two years ago we moved from Atlanta to Pittsburgh neither of us have any family or friends in the city.
Last night I noticed her on her phone way more than usual, I checked her phone when she wasn’t looking and realized she has a TikTok page where she initiates sexual comments to I assume strangers and takes the conversation to the DMs.
This time when confronted she told me “I don’t pay enough attention to her.” I feel this taking a toll on my confidence in myself and I can’t afford that again. What is the best way to move forward?
Look, I’m going to be blunt here because sugar-coating isn’t going to help you. You’ve been down this road before, and here you are again. Why? Because you forgave and forgot, and your wife learned she could get away with it without real consequences.
Now she’s pulled the same stunt again, and has the audacity to blame you for it? “You don’t pay enough attention to me” is a cop-out, plain and simple. Even if there’s a kernel of truth there – even if you have been somewhat neglectful – that doesn’t justify betraying your trust. If she felt neglected, the answer was to talk to you, not to start sexting strangers on TikTok.
Let’s call this what it is: Your wife is either already cheating or laying the groundwork to do so. And she’s shown you, not once but twice now, that she’s willing to lie and hide her actions rather than address issues in your marriage head-on.
You say this is taking a toll on your confidence. Of course it is! But here’s the thing – the problem isn’t you. It’s her repeated choice to betray your trust rather than communicate like an adult.
I know you have a history together, I know you have kids, and I know this is hard. But at some point, you have to ask yourself: How many chances are you going to give her to stomp all over your trust and self-esteem?
It’s time to protect yourself. Talk to a divorce lawyer. Understand your options. You don’t have to file right away if you’re not ready, but you need to know where you stand. Because right now, all signs point to a partner who isn’t committed to your marriage and isn’t likely to change. You deserve better than that, and so do your kids.