About a month ago an old friend of my fiance came and told me my daughter might not be mine (1yr). She told me my fiance confessed to her shortly after finding out she was pregnant that it might not be mine because at the time she had been sleeping with one other guy.
Now that we are going to get married soon, she just couldn’t keep this to herself and felt the need to tell me. Well I obviously didn’t take the news well, because everything she said contradicted the person I knew for 5 years, faithful, honest and loving.
However, that doubt didn’t go away and I ended up going through with a paternity test. I’m not her father, as you can imagine has broken my heart, I’m still coming to terms to the news. It explains why she suddenly got pregnant, despite the protection I was using, but I just assumed things happen and it is what it is (abortion was out of the question).
At this point, I’m not sure where to go in life. The wedding is two weeks away at this point, family is coming, everything is paid for, my daughter, who I love, turns out isn’t mine at all and I’ve been raising someone else’s kid, I’m about to marry a woman who I can’t bring myself to look at anymore, I’m at a loss.
You’re in an impossible situation, and I’m so sorry. Let’s cut right to the chase: Your fiancée betrayed you in one of the most profound ways possible.
She lied to you. Not just once, not in a moment of panic, but consistently and deliberately for over a year. Even if she wasn’t 100% certain about the paternity, she knew there was a possibility the child wasn’t yours – and she chose to keep that information from you. She robbed you of the ability to make an informed choice about your life, your relationship, and your role as a father.
This goes beyond a simple mistake or a momentary lapse in judgment. This was a sustained campaign of deception that has fundamentally altered the course of your life. She allowed you to build a relationship with a child she knew might not be yours, all while planning a future together based on a lie.
Now, you’re two weeks away from a wedding, with family coming and everything paid for. But here’s the truth: No amount of sunk costs or potential embarrassment is worth entering a marriage built on such a massive deception.
The question now isn’t just about forgiveness – it’s about trust. How can you possibly trust this woman moving forward? Every moment of your relationship is now cast in a different light. Every memory is tainted by the knowledge of this deception.
You have every right to walk away from this relationship. In fact, given the magnitude of this betrayal, that might be the healthiest choice for you in the long run. Don’t let anyone minimize what she’s done or try to rush you into forgiveness.
That said, I know it’s not that simple. You’ve been a father to this child for a year. The love you feel is real, regardless of biology. Whatever you decide about your relationship with your fiancée, remember that your bond with this child is separate and valid.
Here’s what I suggest:
Postpone the wedding immediately. You need time and space to process this bombshell. Consider therapy to help navigate this emotional minefield.
Don’t make any permanent decisions about your relationship with your daughter right now. That’s a separate issue from your relationship with your fiancée.
Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers right now. It’s okay to take time to process and heal. Your world has been turned upside down, and you’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling.
This is a crossroads, no doubt. But you will get through this, one way or another. Focus on taking care of yourself right now. The rest will follow. And whatever you decide, make sure it’s a decision that prioritizes your own well-being and peace of mind.
You deserve a partner you can trust, and right now, she’s proven she’s not that person.