My parents gave me (I’m 17) a monthly payment plan to pay the back for the past years of raising/feeding/everything me. I do have a part time job (still in school) and already give them part of what I earn but this is beyond anything I can afford. I’d never be able to move out I think.
They’re very much holding onto that they’re allowed to do this. That now that I have a job I’m supposed to be paying. They also say I agreed to this when I was younger but I don’t remember, but this could be true. Is there a way they can make it so I legally have to do it?
Dear 17-year-old in a tough spot,
Let’s be clear: What your parents are doing is not okay. It’s not legal, it’s not ethical, and it’s not what loving parents do.
You did not ask to be born. Your parents chose to have you, and with that choice comes the responsibility to provide for you until you reach adulthood. That’s not just my opinion – it’s the law. You cannot be held to any “agreement” you supposedly made as a child, especially one that goes against your parents’ legal obligations.
Your instincts are right – this situation is deeply wrong. It’s financial abuse, plain and simple. Your parents are taking advantage of you and potentially setting you up for long-term financial struggles.
Here’s what you need to know:
- You are not legally obligated to pay your parents for raising you. Period.
- At 17, you’re still a minor. Your parents are still legally responsible for your basic needs.
- It’s admirable that you have a job and contribute, but you should not be expected to fund your own upbringing.
- This “payment plan” is not enforceable. Don’t let them convince you otherwise.
Now, for what you can do:
- Reach out to a trusted adult – a school counselor, teacher, or family friend. You need support and possibly intervention.
- Start documenting everything. Keep records of what they’re demanding and any payments you’ve made.
- If possible, start saving money in an account they can’t access. You may need it for moving out when you turn 18.
- Look into resources for teens in difficult home situations. There may be local organizations that can offer guidance or support.
- Remember: You’re not being stupid or bothersome by asking for help. You’re being brave and proactive in a very difficult situation.
Your parents’ behavior is not normal or acceptable. You deserve better, and I hope you can find the support you need to navigate this and move toward a healthier future. Stay strong, and don’t let anyone – even your parents – convince you that you owe them for doing the bare minimum of parenting.