My boyfriend of 7 months continues to shock me with just how cheap he is, yet I always dismiss it as me being a bit over-reactive and dramatic so I don’t make it into an issue.
When we first met, he offered to pay for dinner on several occasions, albeit quite hesitantly (it seemed he did it more for show rather than intending to really want to). Seeing so, I often offered to pay for dinner/split the bill, however the one time I did let him pay, he would not stop reminding me about that dinner and “how expensive but nice it was”, which was annoying but I ignored it.
He is constantly talking about prices aswell! We could be talking about anything like sports, exercise, hobbies, songs, pets, movies, clothes…and he will bring up the issue of price and how expensive participating in any of those things can be…for example I told him about how I started going to the gym and he went on this whole tangent about how much of a ripoff gyms were and how having to eat fresh produce, protein, etc. to maintain a healthy diet was “expensive and not worth it.”
He also refuses to do anything I suggest when we’re out on a date (e.g. movies, theme parks, zoos, etc.) by coming up with stupid excuses about it being too late/ not organised in advanced when we could’ve just literally lined up and bought tickets – and why? Because in actual fact he wishes to use some online coupons he’s got saved up instead of paying the price at the queue – thereby ruining the atmosphere of the date and we end up doing nothing at all most of the times.
He is happy to take me to places such as gardens/parks/etc. which are free, but once he sees any mention of having to buy a ticket he will say something along the lines of “oh I thought it was free” in a disappointed tightass tone and do a 180 degrees turn away from the place. Being quite tolerable I’ll just agree to go find something else to do. I have no problem paying for myself (in fact I always pull my wallet out first), but even when I pay for myself he seems unwilling to pay for himself and would rather just not do it at all.
He will always suggest things for us to do/ say that he will spoil me silly when I’m out of town and we’re missing eachother, but come time we are finally in eachother’s company he will totally ditch any plans/suggestions we had as the reality of price and having to spend money begins to sink in. I like him, I really do, but his stingy ways just make him seem so pathetic and embarrassing really… I am not the type to expect gifts or anything nor could I even accept them, but the fact that he doesn’t even attempt to treat/spoil me ever is quite saddening.
He works a, lives at home with his parents in his mid20’s, is not saving up for anything (no plans for a car or a house or further education) and is just cheap because its in his blood so it seems. I have brought it up before but he will usually laugh it off and continues his ways and I feel its really compromising how I feel about him. Really quite fed up with him, advice on what to do?
You’re not being over-reactive or dramatic. You’re noticing a pattern of behavior that’s telling you volumes about this man’s values, priorities, and how he views relationships. And from where I’m sitting, it’s not a pretty picture.
Let’s break this down:
- His cheapness isn’t just about money. It’s about generosity of spirit. He’s stingy with experiences, with spontaneity, with joy. He’s turning every outing into a cost-benefit analysis instead of an opportunity to connect and create memories with you.
- His constant focus on price isn’t just annoying – it’s revealing a deeply ingrained scarcity mindset that’s affecting every aspect of your relationship. From gyms to healthy food to entertainment, he sees the world through the lens of “too expensive, not worth it.” Is that how you want to live?
- The bait-and-switch of promising to spoil you and then reneging when it’s time to follow through? That’s not just cheapness, that’s a lack of integrity. He’s showing you that his words and actions don’t align.
- His reaction when you’ve brought this up – laughing it off and continuing his ways – shows a lack of respect for your feelings and concerns. He’s dismissing something that’s clearly important to you.
- You say you’re “fed up,” that it’s “compromising how you feel about him,” that he seems “pathetic and embarrassing.” Those are strong words, and they’re coming from somewhere real.
Here’s the thing: This isn’t just about money. It’s about values, about how you each want to live your lives, about what you prioritize. It’s about generosity, spontaneity, and the ability to invest – emotionally and financially – in experiences that bring joy and connection.
You’re seven months in. That’s long enough to see patterns, but not so long that you’re deeply entangled. Ask yourself: Is this how you want to live? Do you want every date, every meal, every experience to be colored by his penny-pinching? Do you want a partner who promises to spoil you but can’t follow through?
You don’t need to change him (you can’t, anyway). You need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want. Because right now, it sounds like you’re compromising your own joy and experiences to accommodate his cheapness. That’s not a recipe for a fulfilling partnership.
It’s okay to want a partner who can be generous – not just with money, but with experiences, with joy, with life. It’s okay to want someone who follows through on their promises. It’s okay to want more than this.
You’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t spend it constantly calculating the cost of happiness. There are people out there who will match your energy, who will be excited to try new things with you, who understand that some experiences are worth the price tag.
It’s time for a serious talk with him. Not about specific instances of cheapness, but about your overall values and how you each want to live your lives. If he can’t meet you halfway – or worse, if he dismisses your concerns again – then it might be time to invest your time and energy elsewhere. You deserve a partner who enriches your life, not one who constantly tallies its cost.