Hi guys, I’m going through a tough time, been going on for 2 years but it feels like longer.
I’ve lost all ability to care about life, no real ambition, no goals and no desire to do anything.
It started properly due to divorce 2 years ago and I want to get out of this funk, but I’m struggling to see the point. I just feel hopeless.
Have you been there before? How did you get out?
I feel like most guys I’ve spoken to about this tell me some variation of ‘ I did it for my kids’ well at 36 I have none and am unlikely to have any now. So I feel like I’m just worthless.
Id love to hear from people who’ve been through the ringer and found their enthusiasm for life again. I’m just struggling to care right now
Life has certainly given you a beating, my friend. Two years of emotional limbo after a divorce is no small thing. It’s like you’ve been treading water in the middle of the ocean, and now you’re wondering if it’s even worth swimming to shore.
First, let’s address this notion of being “worthless” without kids. That’s your bruised heart talking, not reality. Your worth isn’t measured by your parental status. You’re valuable simply because you exist, because you have the capacity to grow, to connect, to create, to make the world a little better in your own unique way.
Now, how to get your fight back? It’s not about one big triumphant moment. It’s about small, persistent steps.
Start with the basics. Are you eating well? Sleeping enough? Moving your body? These aren’t cure-alls, but they’re the foundation. When we’re in a funk, self-care is often the first thing to go.
It can be incredibly isolating to go through a tough time, but reaching out to friends, family, or even a therapist can make a huge difference. Sometimes just talking about what you’re going through can lift a bit of the weight off your shoulders.
A good therapist can also be invaluable in processing your divorce and rediscovering your sense of self.
Try to reconnect with things that once brought you joy, even if you don’t feel the spark right away. Did you used to love hiking? Playing guitar? Building model planes? Or perhaps there’s something you’ve always wanted to try but never got around to. Dive into it. Even if it feels pointless at first, give it a shot. Joy can sneak up on you when you least expect it.
Set small, achievable goals. Maybe it’s reading a book this month, or learning to cook a new dish each week. Small wins can snowball into bigger motivation.
Consider volunteering. Sometimes, helping others can jolt us out of our own heads and remind us of our capacity to make a difference.
Lastly, be patient with yourself. Healing isn’t linear. You’ll have good days and bad days. That’s okay. The important thing is to keep moving forward, even if it’s just inch by inch.
Remember, at 36, you’ve got a lot of life ahead of you. This rough patch doesn’t define you. It’s just a chapter in your story, not the whole book. Keep writing, keep living, keep pushing forward. Your resilience is there, even if you can’t feel it right now. Trust that it will resurface, because it will.
You’ve got this. One day at a time, one small step at a time. Your fight will come back, and when it does, you’ll be stronger for having gone through this.