I (26f) have been dating my boyfriend (26m) for 6 years. I have always been straightforward about wanting to get married one day and when we started getting serious my boyfriend asked if we could wait until after college, I agreed. After college he asked if we could wait until after we both found jobs and I agreed.
It’s been over 2 years now and he keeps pushing the time frame back. I’ve tried having conversations about this but I feel like he just agrees with me so that I’ll drop it.
I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know if he’s changed his mind about me, about marriage, or if I’m just reading way too much into it. Help?
Dear Friend,
You’re not reading too much into it. You’re reading exactly what’s there: Your boyfriend is stringing you along.
I know that’s a harsh assessment, but let’s look at the facts. You’ve been clear about your desires from the start. He’s responded by setting goalposts, then moving them. Repeatedly. That’s not the behavior of someone who shares your vision for the future. It’s the behavior of someone who’s hoping you’ll either give up on the idea or give up on him.
Here’s the thing: At 26, after six years together, you both should know whether you want to marry each other. The fact that he can’t give you a straight answer suggests he already has his answer — and it’s not the one you’re hoping for.
You say you’ve tried having conversations, but he just agrees to make you drop it. That’s not communication; that’s avoidance. And it’s unfair to you.
So, what now? It’s time for a come-to-Jesus talk. No more “someday” or “after X happens.” Ask him point-blank: Does he want to marry you? If yes, when? If he can’t give you a clear, definitive answer, then you have your answer.
Remember, you’re not just deciding about marriage here. You’re deciding about your life partner. Do you want someone who avoids difficult conversations? Who can’t be honest about his feelings or intentions? Who’s willing to let you twist in the wind rather than be upfront?
You deserve someone who’s as excited about building a future with you as you are with them. If that’s not your current boyfriend, it might be time to free yourself up to find that person.
Your happiness matters. Trust yourself to pursue it.