I’m 34, married, and really haven’t had a “crush” on anyone since the honeymoon phase of my relationship with my wife.
I started a job recently and have totally been crushing on my coworker and it’s really caught me off guard. Our interactions are fun and kind, but haven’t crossed any lines. I think the feeling is mutual, but of course we’ll never know.
I have zero intention of having an affair and I would be shocked if my coworker would do anything of the sort.
I have to admit, it’s kind of fun having chemistry with someone like this again!
Oh boy. I get it – those sparks of chemistry can be exciting, especially when they catch you by surprise after years of settled contentment. But tread very, very carefully here.
You say you have zero intention of having an affair, which is good. But intentions aren’t always enough when we’re dealing with powerful emotions and attraction. The fact that you’re describing this as “fun” is a red flag.
Here’s the thing: crushes happen, even in happy marriages. We’re human. But how we handle them defines us. Right now, you’re indulging in this infatuation, letting yourself enjoy the thrill. That’s a slippery slope.
Instead, take a step back. Examine why this crush developed. Are there needs not being met in your marriage? Has daily life dulled some of the spark? Use this as a wake-up call to reinvest in your relationship with your wife.
Also, create some distance from this coworker. Keep things strictly professional. No private chats, no lingering conversations. You may not be able to control your feelings, but you can absolutely control your actions.
Remember: that “fun” feeling of chemistry? You can recreate that with your wife. Plan some dates. Try new things together. Flirt with her like you did when you were dating.
Crushes often say more about us than the object of our affection. This is an opportunity for growth and recommitment to your marriage – if you choose to see it that way. The alternative path rarely ends well for anyone involved.