This girl I have been seeing for a year has many wonderful qualities, think of a woman who has every single green flag but also one MAJOR RED FLAG. Which is Compulsive lying, basically a condition where a person lies for no reason about everything.
I recently discovered this trait of hers and it flipped my world upside down, she lied about many things, including her past sexual experience, drinking, smoking habits, when she dated her ex etc. When I confronted her and told her u can fix this by coming clean with everything else, she tried to cover it up with another lie (which I also discovered as a lie few days after, and fell for initially).
I really liked this woman, other than this trait she treated me exceptionally well, but now I can’t tell what reality is, I don’t even know if she was loyal to me this whole time. My trust is fully gone, but I also realize this is an actual mental condition, and I’m not sure if I want to stick around to help her fix it cause it may end up hurting me really bad.
You’re in a tough spot, and I can feel your pain and confusion.
Let’s get one thing straight: Compulsive lying isn’t just a quirky habit or a cute little flaw. It’s a serious issue that erodes the very foundation of a relationship – trust. You’re right to be concerned, and your feelings of betrayal are entirely valid.
Now, you say she has “every single green flag” except this one. But here’s the thing – this isn’t just a red flag, it’s a crimson banner the size of Texas. It doesn’t matter how well she treats you in other ways if you can’t believe a word she says. A relationship without trust is like a car without wheels – it’s not going anywhere.
You mentioned wanting to help her “fix” this. While that’s a noble thought, it’s not your job to be her therapist or savior. This kind of compulsive behavior often stems from deep-seated issues that require professional help. You can’t love someone into being honest, no matter how much you care.
As for sticking around, ask yourself this: Are you prepared to constantly question everything she tells you? To wonder if every “I love you” or “I’m running late” is just another lie? That’s a heavy burden to bear, and it can wear you down faster than you might think.
You deserve a relationship built on honesty and mutual respect. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, especially when they’re the one holding the matches.
If you do decide to end things, be kind but firm. Encourage her to seek help, but remember that her journey to honesty is hers to make. Your job is to take care of yourself and find a partner who values truth as much as you do.
Remember, it’s okay to love someone and still walk away if the relationship isn’t healthy. Sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is to let go.