The first three years were amazeballs. We did fun things together, we traveled, we had shared interests, we were loving to each other.
In the last seven years, his true personality has come out. He criticizes any thought I have. I don’t like some food? I’m wrong. I like a sappy TV show? I’m wrong.
It doesn’t matter what it is, he will fight and fight over the dumbest things only for the satisfaction of winning.
Most of those wins are just me giving up because I can’t believe that where a dish should go in the dishwasher needs a 15 minute speech about how right he is about dish placement.
We’re in counseling now, and every appointment is his efforts to prove me wrong about something and never, ever about him trying to apply anything, something, anything that the counselor has tried to teach us. Im exhausted and I give up.
Ten years of telling me I am worthless? Ok, you win. I will remove my worthless self from your life. And then I will finally breathe again.
I’m so sorry you’ve been living with this for so long. Ten years is a long time to have your spirit slowly crushed under the weight of constant criticism and “winning” that isn’t winning at all.
What you’re describing isn’t just a rough patch or a communication problem. It’s emotional abuse. Your husband has systematically torn down your confidence, belittled your opinions and feelings, and made even the simplest interactions a battleground. That’s not a marriage – it’s a hostage situation.
The fact that you had three good years at the start doesn’t negate or excuse the seven years of mistreatment that followed. Sometimes people show their true colors slowly, and by the time we realize what’s happening, we’re in too deep to easily see a way out.
But you do see it now. You recognize that this dynamic is toxic and soul-crushing. You’ve tried counseling, which is commendable, but your husband has weaponized even that in his crusade to always be “right.”
You say you’re exhausted and ready to give up. I hear that. But please reframe it: You’re not giving up. You’re choosing yourself. You’re reclaiming your right to have opinions, to like what you like, to place a dish wherever the hell you want without a 15-minute lecture. You’re choosing to breathe again.
Leaving a long-term relationship is never easy, even when it’s necessary. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this. Lean on friends and family. Consider individual therapy to help rebuild your sense of self.
And remember: You are not worthless. You never were. His need to make you feel small doesn’t reflect on your worth – it reflects on his deep insecurities and inability to be a true partner.
You deserve peace. You deserve respect. You deserve to breathe freely. I hope you find all of that and more as you move forward.