I’m sick of people saying I’m young at 40 and still have a chance. It’s not that I’m mad at them but they don’t realize, I missed out on all the important moments in life.
I was supposed to have a good childhood, friends in high school, your first girlfriend in high school, go to college, make more friends, get a good job, meet a woman who you fall in love with, marry her, then have kids. I’ve missed all of that.
I’m never going to get to wake up with the woman of my dreams looking back at me. I’m never going to wake up to the sounds of my kids running around. I’m never going to say I do on a podium when I’m asked if I take my girlfriend to be my wife. I missed out on going on vacations with the person I love. I missed out on going out with the other fathers to the bar to talk about our lives. I missed out on growing older with you and while both our looks would start to fade(I never had them), we would still have each other.
It’s too late and nothing can make up for it. Going fishing or doing some stupid hobby is not going to make up for it. Joining groups and sitting there unable to socialize isn’t going to make up for it. Going to therapy with a person who doesn’t care and probably hates me doesn’t help. There is no cushioning this. There is no, you can still live a full life. No, I can’t. I failed when I needed to succeed and now I’m paying the price for it. Every day is a reminder of how I failed at everything I tried, and the penalty is life being miserable as well as alone.
I have no purpose. No direction. I am only here to make others feel better about themselves.
Let’s cut the crap and face reality head-on. You’re wallowing in self-pity, and it’s not doing you any favors.
First off, drop this fairy tale narrative you’ve concocted. There’s no “supposed to” in life. That perfect trajectory you described? It’s a Hollywood script, not reality. Most people’s lives are messy, full of detours and unexpected turns.
You’re fixating on what you’ve missed, but you’re missing the point entirely. Life isn’t a checklist of milestones. It’s not about ticking boxes. It’s about living, experiencing, growing – and you can do that at any age.
Now, let’s address this “it’s too late” nonsense. Too late for what? To live exactly like everyone else? Good. That’s boring anyway. You’ve got a unique perspective. Use it.
You say you can’t live a full life? Bullshit. A full life is what you make it. It’s not defined by marriage, kids, or drinking with other dads. Those can be part of a full life, sure, but they’re not the only path.
You failed when you needed to succeed? Welcome to the human race. We all fail. Repeatedly. The difference is, some people learn from it and move forward. Others – like you right now – use it as an excuse to give up.
Here’s the harsh truth: your problem isn’t that you missed out on life. It’s that you’re choosing to stay stuck. You’re rejecting every possible solution before even trying. Therapy doesn’t work? Find a different therapist. Can’t socialize in groups? Learn how. It’s a skill, not a magical ability some people are born with.
You say you have no purpose or direction? Then find one. Create one. It’s not going to fall into your lap while you’re busy feeling sorry for yourself.
Stop comparing your life to some idealized version you’ve built up in your head. Start living the life you have. Is it going to be easy? Hell no. Is it going to be worth it? That’s up to you.
You’re 40, not dead. You’ve got time. But only if you stop wasting it on what-ifs and start focusing on what-now. The choice is yours: keep wallowing, or start living. What’s it going to be?