We’ve all been there. You’re scrolling through your social media feed, and you see someone post a picture of the latest gadget, a luxury car, or that dream vacation. For a moment, you think, “I want that.” But have you ever stopped to ask yourself, “Do I actually want this, or do I want other people to see that I have it?”
This question might seem simple, but it’s a powerful one. It cuts through the noise of marketing, peer pressure, and societal expectations, getting to the heart of why we spend our hard-earned money. Let’s dig into why this question matters and how it can transform the way you approach personal finance.
The Social Media Mirage
Social media is a highlight reel. It’s where people share the best parts of their lives—their new purchases, their achievements, their travels. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your life to someone else’s curated version. You might see a friend’s new car and suddenly feel like your reliable old sedan isn’t good enough anymore. But here’s the thing: just because someone else has something doesn’t mean it’s going to bring you happiness or fulfillment.
The question “Do I actually want this, or do I want other people to see that I have it?” forces you to pause and think. Is that shiny new car really going to make your daily commute better, or is it just going to give you a momentary boost when others see you driving it? Are you buying it because it genuinely fits your needs, or because it fits an image you want to project?
The Psychology of Wanting
There’s a concept in psychology called hedonic adaptation. It’s the idea that after we acquire something new, the excitement and happiness it brings quickly fade, and we return to our baseline level of happiness. That new car? It’s thrilling at first, but after a few months, it just becomes another part of your daily routine. The same goes for clothes, gadgets, and even experiences.
When you ask yourself, “Do I actually want this, or do I want other people to see that I have it?”, you’re acknowledging that the initial thrill will wear off. You’re reminding yourself that true satisfaction comes from fulfilling your own needs and desires, not from impressing others.
Aligning Your Spending with Your Values
One of the best ways to answer this question is to take a step back and think about your values. What really matters to you? Is it financial security, spending time with loved ones, pursuing a hobby, or maybe something else entirely? When your spending aligns with your values, you’re more likely to feel satisfied with your purchases, even long after the novelty has worn off.
For example, if you value financial independence, you might find more joy in saving for the future than in buying the latest smartphone. If you value experiences over material possessions, you might choose to spend money on a memorable trip rather than on expensive designer clothes.
The Freedom of Saying “No”
There’s a surprising freedom in saying “no” to things that don’t truly matter to you. When you stop buying things just to impress others, you gain control over your finances and your life. You start making decisions based on what will genuinely make you happy, rather than what you think will make others envious.
This doesn’t mean you should never buy nice things or treat yourself. It just means being honest with yourself about why you’re making a purchase. If something truly brings you joy and aligns with your values, then go for it! But if you realize that you’re only buying something to keep up with the Joneses, it might be worth reconsidering.
A Personal Example
Many years ago, I leased an $80,000 BMW. It was sleek, powerful, and every time I slid behind the wheel, I felt like I was on top of the world. But deep down, I knew the real reason I got that car wasn’t just because I loved driving it—it was because I wanted other people to see me in it. I wanted to project a certain image.
The monthly payments were outrageous, and as much as I loved the attention, the financial burden started to weigh on me. Every dollar that went into that lease was a dollar that could have been saved or invested. But I convinced myself that it was worth it for the status and the thrill.
After three years, the lease ended, and I was left with nothing to show for it. No car, no assets—just the realization that all that money was gone. I kick myself now, knowing that if I had invested those monthly payments instead, they could have grown into something quite substantial. I could have been that much closer to achieving financial independence. But instead, I was stuck paying for something that only brought me fleeting satisfaction.
Looking back, I wish I had asked myself that question—“Do I actually want this, or do I want other people to see that I have it?”. It might have given me some much-needed introspection about my insecurities and made me rethink the whole thing. If I had been honest with myself, I might have realized that what I was really seeking wasn’t a luxury car, but validation from others. And that’s something no amount of money or material possessions can truly provide.
Final Thoughts
The next time you’re tempted to buy something, take a moment to ask yourself, “Do I actually want this, or do I want other people to see that I have it?” It’s a simple question, but it can make a world of difference in how you approach your finances.
By aligning your spending with your true desires and values, you can find greater satisfaction in what you already have and make smarter financial decisions that benefit you in the long run. After all, the real wealth comes not from the things we own, but from living a life that’s true to ourselves.