I was so excited. I proposed. I handed her the ring. She looked like she was going to cry.
Then she said “Sorry. I don’t think we should get married.” I asked her why and she said something along the lines of “I’ll always be the girl you took a decade to decide if I was wifey material. I don’t know how to be happy with that reality”
I really fucked up. Now the woman I love isn’t willing to be my wife. I don’t know what the fuck to do.
Here’s the thing: You didn’t just propose yesterday. You proposed after 10 years of not proposing. That’s a decade of days your girlfriend woke up wondering if today would be the day, followed by a decade of nights she went to bed knowing it wasn’t.
Now, I’m not saying this to pile on. You’re hurting enough already. But understanding her perspective is crucial here, because this isn’t just about yesterday’s “no.” It’s about 3,650 days of “not yet.”
Your girlfriend’s response tells me she’s been carrying around a lot of pain and uncertainty. “I’ll always be the girl you took a decade to decide if I was wifey material” – that’s not a snap judgment. That’s years of doubt and insecurity talking.
So what now? Well, first, take a deep breath. This situation sucks, but it’s not necessarily the end.
- Give her some space. You both need time to process this emotional earthquake.
- When you do talk, listen more than you speak. Try to understand her feelings without getting defensive.
- Be honest with yourself about why it took 10 years. Fear? Uncertainty? Complacency? Whatever it was, you need to face it head-on.
- If you want a future with her, you’ll need to rebuild her trust in your commitment. That’s not going to happen overnight, and it might require couples counseling.
- Be prepared for the possibility that this might truly be the end. Sometimes, pain and resentment build up for too long to be overcome.
Remember, you can’t change the past 10 years. But you can show her – through actions, not just words – what the next 10 could look like. It’s not about the ring anymore. It’s about proving that you’re all in, fully committed, no more wait-and-see.
And hey, if it doesn’t work out? Learn from this. Timing matters. Don’t let the right person slip away because you’re too comfortable in the waiting room of life.
Hang in there. This is rough, but you’ll get through it one way or another.