I’m really at the end of my rope and I don’t know what to say anymore. My older sister hasn’t literally done anything since she was 15. Lives with my parents and has absolutely no ambition besides rotting away in her room on her pc.
She dropped out of high school years ago but it took her until she was 24 to get her GED. Since then she had two minimum wage jobs that she quit in a matter or months.
It’s hard to put into words how tired I am of constantly pointing out the giant elephant in the room of her failure in life. I’m tired of trying to parent her as the younger sister and pushing her to literally do anything. Get a job, join a club, see a therapist, doctor, make a singular friend that isn’t our mother.
I’m tired of trying to hold my parents accountable for failing their daughter. She has no life skills and is a literal leech on their life. My family literally refuses to do anything about it and would rather ignore it.
She has no diagnosis even though the obvious answer would be autism. But no amount trying to set up appointments or pushing her to be self-driven is helping.
She is so defiant and points me out to be a monster anytime I try to have a conversation with her. She’s so regressed she still literally has the mind of a 15 year old I don’t know what to say anymore.
Deep down I love my sister an am worried for her future once my parents aren’t around anymore, she literally hasn’t done a single significant thing her entire life. But the older I get the more I despise her. I have ran out of empathy but I don’t want her to be one day homeless.
Look, I get it. You’re frustrated, exhausted, and at your wit’s end. Watching someone you care about waste their life away is gut-wrenching. But here’s the hard truth: you can’t force someone to change if they don’t want to.
Your sister’s situation is a mess, no doubt. But you’re not her parent, you’re not her caretaker, and you’re not responsible for her life choices. You’ve been trying to play the role of parent, therapist, and life coach all rolled into one, and it’s burning you out.
Here’s the reality: your sister is an adult. A dysfunctional one, sure, but still an adult. Your parents have chosen to enable her behavior. That’s their choice to make, even if you think it’s the wrong one.
You’ve got to step back and set some boundaries for your own sanity. Stop trying to parent her. Stop trying to force your parents to change their approach. You’ve made your concerns known. You’ve tried to help. Now it’s time to focus on your own life.
That doesn’t mean you stop caring. But it does mean you stop trying to control the situation. Your sister’s life is her responsibility. Your parents’ choices are theirs to make.
If you want to help, offer specific, limited support. Maybe that’s helping her write a resume or driving her to a job interview. But make it clear that you’re not her life manager.
As for your parents, they’re adults too. They’re choosing to handle this situation their way. You can disagree, but you can’t force them to change.
Your concern about her future is valid. But worrying about it now isn’t helping anyone, least of all you. Focus on building your own life. Be there if she decides to make a change, but don’t put your life on hold waiting for it to happen.
Remember, you can love someone without sacrificing your own well-being. It’s okay to step back. It’s okay to focus on your own life. And it’s okay to let others face the consequences of their own choices, even when those choices are bad ones.