I (29m) have been seeing this woman (34f) for about 2 months now and everything seems to be going well. We are teetering on entering the “boyfriend/girlfriend” stage, but we spent this weekend together and something happened that freaked me out a little.
I had bought us a bottle of her favorite tequila to enjoy together over the weekend and we drank a little bit Friday night. Saturday we spent the morning + afternoon at my place and I noticed she was extra affectionate and slurring her words a bit. She smelled of alcohol but I thought maybe she was just sweating out what we had drank the night before.
She fell asleep on the couch once when I was home and when I came back from a mid-afternoon haircut she was also passed out. Again, I thought nothing of it because we were just having a lazy day. Fast forward to later that night when we get back from our dinner date, I ask if she wants a shot of that tequila; she agrees. I walk over to the fridge to find almost the entire bottle drank. When I asked her about it she said she didn’t touch it and didn’t know what happened to it.
I recounted the her behaviour and thought it was very obvious she had been drinking throughout the day looking back, but when I pressed a little bit she got standoffish and promised me that she didn’t touch it once again.I live alone and other than her dog no one else was in my apartment all weekend.
I don’t care about the alcohol being gone, I bought it for us to enjoy and she didn’t have anywhere to be. I do care though that she was able to lie to me about it without pause and keep up the lie without much effort. I asked her again the next morning, telling her I dont care about the booze just that I was freaked out it seemed like she was lying. She swore on my life that she didn’t touch it so I backed off because I wasn’t getting anywhere.
Other than this everything has been great, but I don’t want this to plant a seed that breaks our trust going forward.
Should I try to confront her about it again? Am I overthinking this?
You’re not overthinking this. In fact, I’d argue you’re underthinking it.
This isn’t just about a lie. This is about substance abuse, denial, and your girlfriend’s apparent comfort with both. The fact that she drank most of a bottle of tequila alone during the day, while you were present, is deeply concerning. That she then lied about it repeatedly, even when confronted with evidence, is a bright red flag waving frantically in your face.
You say you don’t want this to “plant a seed that breaks our trust going forward.” But I’m afraid that seed has already been planted, watered, and is sprouting into a serious problem. Trust isn’t just about believing what someone says. It’s about feeling safe with their choices, their judgment, and their ability to handle difficult truths.
Right now, none of those elements are present. Your girlfriend has demonstrated poor judgment in her drinking, a willingness to deceive you, and an inability to own up to her actions even when given multiple chances.
You don’t need to confront her again. She’s made it clear she’s not ready to be honest. What you need to do is take a big step back and really look at what this situation is telling you about her, about yourself, and about the kind of relationship you want.
Are you prepared to be with someone who drinks heavily in secret? Who lies to your face? Who doubles down on those lies even when caught? These aren’t just quirks or minor flaws – they’re serious issues that can corrode the foundation of any relationship.
At only two months in, you’re still in the discovery phase. And you’ve discovered something important. Pay attention to it. Don’t brush it aside because “everything else has been great.” This IS everything else.
You deserve a partner who respects you enough to be honest, even when it’s difficult. And more importantly, you deserve a partner who respects themselves enough to address their own issues head-on, rather than hiding them and lying about them.
It’s time for some serious soul-searching about whether this is the kind of relationship you truly want. And remember – you’re not responsible for fixing her problems. That’s her job. Your job is to make healthy choices for yourself.