So my wife had this ex boyfriend before me. While we were in the dating stage, I would constantly hear everything about this person. I knew his favorite food, about his family, etc. he was just perfect in all ways.
I was not particularly the jealous type, but this started to make me feel weird. At first I was told she broke up with him because he was jerk. Turns out is was because she wanted a life with him and he wanted a weekend good time.
Well, conversations about this guy continued for a year. Finally I had enough and blew up. I told her I no longer wanted to hear about what shoe size the man had or how his closets were neater than mine.
I discovered that she still had his contact information saved in her phone, along with cute photos of them that gather for his contact photo. i assumed she was still talking with this guy.
She said she was nor and the contact information was there so she could ask for travel details from vacations she had taken previously with him.
This is complete bullshit to me. In a dramatic show during the argument we had, she deleted the contact. Or, so I thought. Now normally, none of this stuff would even bother me.
However she demands to look at my phone and starts a lot of drama about old photos I had saved with an ex. All things from my past. Finally I deleted the old photos to avoid drama.
Recently, I have become suspicious of her actions. Some things about her behavior and schedule do not add up. I looked at her phone and discovered that she had renamed the contact for the ex to some random other name.
When confronted about this, she admitted to not deleting the contact but renaming it so to hide it from me. She adamantly said to me that she may need those travel details from previous trips in the future.
The contact photo still had a real cute picture of them together. I was pretty pissed off over this. So in another show, she acted like she was blocking and deleting the contact again.
However, she did not. Instead she took a photo of the contact information and sent it to her “good” friend.
Why, I do not know. I am enraged about this. I think it is at a minimum sneaky behavior. What do you think? Is this something to be upset about or am I being juvenile?
Let’s begin with the obvious: You’re not being juvenile. Your feelings are valid, and there’s a lot to unpack here.
Your wife’s behavior is raising red flags left and right. The constant talk about the ex during your dating phase? That’s enough to make anyone feel weird, jealous type or not. But it’s her more recent actions that are truly concerning.
The fact that she demanded to look at your phone and created drama about your old photos, while simultaneously hiding her ex’s contact information, is a classic case of projection and double standards. It’s the “rules for thee but not for me” approach, and it’s not okay.
Now, let’s address the elephant in the room: her insistence on keeping the ex’s contact info for “travel details.” Come on. In this day and age of digital everything, that excuse is flimsier than a paper umbrella in a hurricane. If she genuinely needed that information, she could find it elsewhere without keeping a direct line to her ex.
But here’s the kicker: renaming the contact, hiding it, and then sending the info to a friend when confronted? That’s not just sneaky; it’s a deliberate attempt to deceive you. It’s a breach of trust, plain and simple.
You say you’re enraged, and frankly, I don’t blame you. This situation goes beyond mere suspicion into the realm of confirmed deceit. Your wife has repeatedly chosen to prioritize maintaining a connection to her ex over respecting your feelings and the boundaries of your relationship.
So, what now?
First, take a deep breath. Rage, while understandable, rarely leads to productive outcomes.
Second, it’s time for a serious, cards-on-the-table conversation with your wife. Not about the ex, not about the phone, but about trust, respect, and the future of your relationship. Because right now, those foundations are looking shakier than a Jenga tower in an earthquake.
Ask her point-blank: Why is maintaining this connection so important that she’s willing to lie and sneak around? What’s really going on here? Is there something missing in your relationship that she’s trying to fill?
Be prepared for defensiveness, deflection, or even more deception. But stand your ground. Make it clear that this isn’t about jealousy or control; it’s about honesty and mutual respect.
If she’s willing to engage honestly, great. That’s a starting point. If not, well, you’ve got some tough decisions ahead. Because a relationship without trust is like a car without wheels – it’s not going anywhere.
Remember, you deserve a partner who respects you enough to be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. Someone who values your feelings over a nebulous connection to an ex. And someone who applies the same standards to themselves that they demand of you.
This isn’t about being upset over an old flame. It’s about addressing a pattern of deception that’s corroding the foundation of your marriage. And that, my friend, is something worth being upset about.