So this guy, who we’ll call B, has been friends with my girlfriend for a while. She had told me that two years ago they exchanged nudes because he came to her for help in taking better dick pics and she sent him nudes to make him more comfortable (her words). They however haven’t spoken in a while.
Well recently his dad passed away and my girlfriend found out about it, and ever since she’s been trying to be there for him. I just found all these next parts so I may get them wrong but here’s a rough outline of what happened.
My gf told him that if there’s anything he needs she’s happy to help. He asks her for shower pics, she says no. He drops it then a day later asks her for head, she says no. He tries to bargain for a handjob instead, she says no. Couple days go by and he asks for a blowjob and handjob again, she says no. However, this time he bargains more and says he’ll settle with just dry humping her butt?
That’s when I come in, my gf showed me this along with the rest of the messages where she told him no. We have each others locations and I know 100% she didnt do anything but now she’s asking me if its okay if I let him hump her? Obviously I said no but she feels really bad for him, I told her he’s just using it to get sexual favors out of her but she still feels bad.
Look, this whole situation is a dumpster fire, and everyone’s holding matches.
Let’s start with B. Grief isn’t a “get out of jail free” card for sexual harassment. Because that’s what this is – escalating, persistent sexual harassment. He’s not looking for comfort; he’s looking for how far he can push your girlfriend’s boundaries. And so far, he’s found them to be disturbingly flexible.
Now, your girlfriend. I’m struggling to find a charitable interpretation of her actions here. Exchanging nudes to “help with dick pics”? That’s either naivety of Olympic proportions or a convenient cover story. Either way, it set the stage for this current mess.
Her continued engagement with B’s inappropriate requests is deeply problematic. The fact that she’s even entertaining the idea of letting him “hump her” isn’t compassion – it’s a fundamental misunderstanding of healthy boundaries and respect for your relationship. It’s also a spectacular failure to recognize blatant manipulation when it’s staring her in the face.
And you? You’re standing on the sidelines watching this train wreck in slow motion. Saying “no” isn’t enough here. This situation calls for a come-to-Jesus talk about boundaries, respect, and what constitutes appropriate behavior in and out of your relationship.
Here’s what needs to happen:
- Your girlfriend needs to shut this down. Hard. No more “feeling bad” for the guy using his dad’s death as a launching pad for sexual favors.
- You both need to have a serious conversation about boundaries. Not just with B, but with everyone. Because this situation suggests there’s a fundamental misalignment in what you both consider acceptable.
- Consider whether this relationship is meeting both of your needs. If your girlfriend genuinely thinks it might be okay to let another man “hump her” out of pity, you’ve got bigger problems than just B.
- If you decide to stay together, get yourselves into couples counseling. You’ve got a lot to unpack here.
Remember, it’s not about being “controlling.” It’s about having a baseline of mutual respect and shared values in a relationship. Right now, that baseline looks shaky at best.
This situation is a crossroads. How you both handle it will define not just this relationship, but how you approach boundaries and self-respect in all your relationships going forward. Don’t sweep it under the rug. Face it head-on, have the tough conversations, and be prepared to make difficult decisions if necessary.