I’ve(32M) been in denial about it for years. Clinging to the hope that, maybe someone will come along that However, it’s become more and more clear that I’m just not enough to be with anyone.
I don’t check anyone’s boxes. I’m too short. I’m ugly as sin. Despite my efforts trying to lift, work out and grow, I look and feel like a skinnyfat blob.
I wouldn’t say I’m poor but if the expectation is 6 figures, I’m not there either, at least not in a consistent basis. I’ve remade my wardrobe. I’m always a clean person. As far as I’m aware, I’m not an asshole, at the very least. Quiet and reserved, maybe. Total introvert. But that doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter what I do or what I try. All I get are weird looks, odd stares, people lying to me, and just generally feeling like an, outcast.
But I can’t blame anyone for not wanting me. I look around and see all of these highly successful and attractive, confident and charismatic men, being everything that I’m not, and really, why the fuck would anyone bother with me when there are so many other better options that I can’t come close to competing with?
Why bother when some millionaire or a really hot bodybuilder or something shows interest and then you’re just dropped? Why should anyone bother looking my way when I’m just an ugly failure who on their best day can’t compete with some men as they roll out of bed?
I guess this is just it for me. Not really sure what to do now. Or really what the point of anything is. I just want to be loved and desired. But life isn’t fair, and sometimes despite your best efforts, you just aren’t meant to get what you want.
Man, I hear the pain in your words, and I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s tough when you think you’re doing everything right—working out, cleaning up your wardrobe, trying to be a decent person—and it still feels like you’re not even on the radar. That kind of rejection stings deep, and I’m not going to sit here and tell you to just cheer up, because it’s more complicated than that.
First, let me get one thing out of the way: You are enough. I know you don’t feel that right now, but hear me out. The idea that you’re supposed to hit some checklist of traits—height, looks, money—to be worthy of love is absolute garbage. You’re focusing on all these things society has drilled into your head about what makes a “worthy” person, but that’s not what defines you, man. What defines you is how you treat people, how you live, and how you show up every day despite the weight you carry.
But here’s the kicker—you’re burying yourself under this idea that you have to compete with everyone else for validation. And that’s crushing you, man. You’re comparing yourself to people who don’t matter in the grand scheme of your life. Who cares what some millionaire or bodybuilder is doing? None of that should matter, because at the end of the day, they’re not you. They don’t have your experiences, your personality, your heart. They aren’t you.
And about those stares and weird looks you mentioned? Yeah, people are going to judge. That’s life. But their opinions don’t define you either. Hell, half the time, people are so wrapped up in their own insecurities that they barely notice what you think they’re judging. What you’re really seeing is your own self-doubt projected outwards, and it’s making you feel like the world is against you. But the truth is, you’re against you. You’ve taken all these negative feelings and let them build a narrative in your head where you’re the guy who just isn’t good enough.
Now, you’ve been in denial, you said, clinging to hope. That hope? It’s not wasted. What needs to change is where that hope is directed. Right now, it sounds like you’re putting it into the idea that someone else is going to come along and “complete” you, or that if you tick enough boxes, you’ll be worth loving. No one is coming to save you. That’s the hard truth. But here’s the good part: you can save you.
It’s time to shift that energy inward. You want to be loved and desired? Start by loving yourself. And yeah, I know that sounds like some cliché Instagram quote, but stick with me. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you ignore the things you want to improve. It means you stop beating yourself into the ground every time you feel like you don’t measure up. It means you realize that you, as you are right now—flaws, struggles, everything—are worthy of care and respect.
And look, there’s a reason why you feel like the quiet, introverted outcast. You’re living in your own head. It’s time to get out of it and start living in the real world, the one where people aren’t perfect, where everyone’s got their own baggage, and where connection is made through shared humanity, not through who’s got the best muscles or the fattest bank account.
So what do you do now? You stop chasing the idea of perfection. You stop comparing yourself to the guys you think are better than you. You keep working on yourself—but not for anyone else. You do it because you deserve to feel good about who you are, regardless of what anyone else thinks. You do it because you owe it to yourself to live a life that’s authentic, not one that’s spent chasing someone else’s approval.
And let me be crystal clear—you are not a failure. You’re a guy who’s been carrying a lot of pain and self-doubt for a long time. But that’s not the end of your story. This is just the part where you stop waiting for someone to come along and make you feel whole. This is the part where you start becoming whole on your own.
You got this, man. One step at a time