So here’s the thing, I’m a 26 year old guy and I’ve been dating my girlfriend(24) for about 2.5 years now.
Everything was great and still is for the most part. My problem is that my gf really wants to get married and I kind of want to but I’m afraid she’ll drag me into debt and depression. When I met my gf she was not working and still is not working, so everything is on me. BTW, We stay together. I literally pay for everything, dates, rent, her car payment, my car payment, her phone bills, buy her clothes, etc. I’ve tried to help her get a job but she’s so unambitious.
My gf doesn’t seem to be ambitious or career orientated, she just wants to be a house wife or something like that. I’ve been working mad hard ever since I met her. I’ve managed to increase my salary 3 times in the past 18 months. I’m not saying she should get a job and earn what I earn, I just want her to be able to do some of her sh*t, like taking her self to the saloon or buying her self clothes, etc. I mean is it fair to make $0 per year and live off someone? I mean if we get married I will surely have to put her under my medical insurance, etc therefore increasing what I’m already spending on her.
To be honest I don’t hate her, the idea of getting married sound okay to me, but what do I do? I love my gf and it would be awesome to be with her but I also love the money I’m working hard to get. Do I dump my gf and cry in my Porsche or do I just continue to work my ass off everyday and take care of a 24 year old baby?
First off, you’re not in a relationship right now. You’re running a one-man charity organization. This isn’t sustainable, and deep down, you know it. You’re working your tail off, and she’s reaping all the benefits without contributing. That’s not a partnership; that’s a parasite.
Now, I’m not saying your girlfriend is a bad person. But she’s comfortable, and why wouldn’t she be? She’s got a sweet deal going on. You’ve enabled this behavior by paying for everything and not setting clear expectations.
Here’s what you need to do. Have a come-to-Jesus meeting with yourself. What do you really want in a partner? Is it someone who shares your ambition? Someone who contributes financially? Or are you okay with a stay-at-home spouse? There’s no wrong answer, but you need to be honest with yourself.
Once you’re clear on what you want, it’s time for a brutally honest conversation with your girlfriend. Tell her your concerns. Let her know that her lack of ambition and financial contribution is a dealbreaker for you. Be prepared for tears, anger, and guilt-tripping. Stand your ground.
Give her a timeline to get a job or start contributing in some meaningful way. This isn’t an ultimatum; it’s a boundary. You’re not telling her what to do; you’re telling her what you will and won’t accept in your life.
If she refuses to change or make an effort, then you’ve got your answer. It’s time to end the relationship. Yes, it’ll hurt. But you know what hurts more? Waking up 10 years from now, drowning in debt and resentment, wondering where your life went wrong.
If she does make an effort, great! But don’t rush into marriage. Give it time to see if the changes stick. Actions speak louder than words, my friend.
Remember, you’re not responsible for another adult’s life choices. You can support and encourage, but you can’t live someone else’s life for them. And let me tell you, crying in a Porsche beats the hell out of crying in a beaten-up sedan while you’re working overtime to pay for someone else’s lifestyle.
It’s time to make a choice, brother. Your future self is counting on you to make the right one. Don’t let him down.