I’ve heard that to be fair, it should be by percentage. Whomever earns more, should be paying a higher percentage of each bill.
My husband (who earns quit a bit more than I do) wants it all 50/50.
When it comes to money, it’s more of a roommate situation in our marriage (despite discussing this after we got married two years ago).
He keeps all his financial accounts private. If he were to pass away, I’d be left in the dark caring for our kids.
He has previously stated if I don’t like how little money I have after bills are paid, I should go find a higher paying job (he’s kind of a jerk when it comes to things like this).
Let’s break this down: Marriage is supposed to be a team effort. Not roommates splitting rent, not two individuals holding their financial cards so close to the chest that it feels more like a business transaction than a relationship. The fact that your husband is insisting on 50/50 bills when you don’t earn equally is not just unfair—it’s a red flag for the bigger issue: he’s treating you like a financial equal in theory, but not in practice. And worse, he’s using that imbalance to keep you down.
When he says, “If you don’t like it, get a higher paying job,” what he’s really saying is, “Your financial stress isn’t my problem, even though we’re in this together.” That’s not partnership—that’s control. And while it might not be meant that way, it certainly sounds like it’s coming from a place of power and superiority.
I’m concerned about the bigger picture, too: His financial secrecy. That’s a huge issue. In any healthy marriage, there should be transparency—especially with money. The fact that he keeps his accounts private means that you’re not a team when it comes to your financial future. If he were to pass away (heaven forbid), you’d be left with uncertainty and no clear understanding of your financial standing. That’s not just unfair—it’s reckless.
You have two key issues here: First, how finances are being handled, and second, his attitude toward your concerns. Both need addressing, and both need serious change if this marriage is going to function the way a marriage should.
You need to have a direct, no-nonsense conversation with him about what marriage means to both of you—financially and emotionally. If he’s unwilling to meet you halfway (and no, that doesn’t mean 50/50 on the bills), then it’s time to ask yourself what you’re really getting out of this arrangement. A partnership is supposed to be a source of support, not a source of stress.
It’s also worth consulting a financial advisor and possibly a marriage counselor. You deserve clarity and fairness in your relationship, and you certainly deserve better than being made to feel like a burden because you’re not “pulling your weight” when you clearly are.
Take care of yourself, and don’t settle for anything less than respect and teamwork.