My husband earns 4x more than me (I earn 68k and he earns 280k). Our rent is 2.6k/month. We’ve been splitting rent 50-50 since we moved in together, before we got married. The arrangement did not change after we got married and now that we have a baby, with me having 0 income, so I’m relying on my personal savings. I say personal because we don’t have a joint account. We are currently looking for a house and I’m also expected to contribute for the deposit (75% of my total savings). Is this fair? What is the best way to approach this?
A few things to highlight:
utility bills used to be split 50-50 but since I stopped working, he pays for them.
since there is no joint account and he doesn’t give me any allowance for baby stuff, I ended up buying most of them. Baby is only 4months old and breastfed exclusively.
he pays for most of the groceries bill and dine out. If I go by myself, I have to pay. So I try not to.
he funds our overseas travel, once a year to visit his family.
we don’t have any loan or debt
Let’s not sugarcoat this: what you’re describing is financial abuse, plain and simple.
Your husband earns four times what you do, and yet you’re expected to split rent 50-50? Even before you had a baby, this setup was absurd, but now that you’re out of work raising a child—and relying on your personal savings to get by—it’s downright exploitative. And the fact that he hasn’t adjusted this arrangement since you had the baby, quit your job, and now have zero income? That’s not just unfair—it’s alarming.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not some twisted roommate arrangement where one person is barely scraping by while the other is financially comfortable. You’re burning through your savings just to contribute to rent and expected to throw 75% of your savings into a house down payment while he’s making six figures? Let’s call it what it is: he’s putting you in a financially vulnerable position, and that’s not how a marriage should work.
You’re relying on your savings while he builds his financial security. He’s essentially setting you up to run out of money, leaving you with no safety net of your own. And let’s not ignore the power dynamic here—money is control, and right now, he’s holding all of it. You don’t have a joint account. You don’t get an allowance for baby expenses, so you’re covering them. He only pays for groceries and utilities when you’re out of work, not because that’s the right thing to do, but because you literally can’t afford it.
And here’s where it crosses from unfair to abusive: you are contributing more than you can reasonably afford, and he’s watching you drain your savings without offering to step up. You’re pulling from your own financial security to fund a household that he should be taking the lead on supporting. This isn’t just a case of poor communication or mismatched expectations—it’s an outright refusal to engage in a true partnership. That’s financial abuse.
So, what’s the best way to approach this?
First, you need to recognize that this isn’t just about money—it’s about control. And that means it’s not going to get better unless you do something about it. Here’s what you need to do:
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Stop draining your savings immediately. You should not be contributing a dime more to rent, baby expenses, or that house deposit until you both sit down and agree on a fair financial plan. If he’s not willing to pay more, then you need to question why you’re staying in this arrangement.
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Demand transparency. A marriage without a joint financial plan is a marriage set up for resentment. You need to know where the money is going, what the long-term plan is, and how you’re both contributing—not just in dollars, but in labor. Raising a child isn’t free, and your time and effort are worth more than just splitting bills down the middle.
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Reframe the conversation. This isn’t about whether it’s “fair” that he earns more and you should contribute less. This is about the fact that he’s leaving you financially vulnerable while benefiting from the stability of his higher income. If he refuses to budge, then he’s not just clueless—he’s actively choosing to keep you in a financially weaker position.
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Protect yourself. You cannot continue to bleed your savings dry while he thrives. If he’s unwilling to open a joint account, rework the contributions, and start behaving like a true partner, then you need to protect your financial future. Whether that’s through legal action, seeking financial counseling, or reconsidering the marriage itself—it’s time to take your own financial well-being seriously.
This is not a healthy dynamic, and you deserve better than this. It’s time to confront the problem head-on and refuse to settle for anything less than equality—financially, emotionally, and in every other way.