My (25m) wife (24f) is going on holiday with another guy. I feel like there’s a 0% chance she’s cheating on me. I don’t think she would ever do that but I just hate the way it’s making me feel. We’ve been married for a few years now.
Basically, my wife has a new male coworker that she has really enjoyed lately. That’s great, I’m all for new friends regardless of their gender. We haven’t really had a relationship with insecurity about friendships of another gender. I have friends that are girls, she has friends that are guys. It’s basically always worked for us. Anyway, my wife and this guy have become closer over the past few months that they’ve worked together. They snap and send each other memes all the time. It feels like half the time I’m talking to her that she’s really just reacting to these messages.
They’ve also hung out a lot after work. Going to get drinks and stuff often late into the night. I typically don’t receive an invite. My wife just goes. She doesn’t do so secretly, she texts me letting me know her plans but it’s a little frustrating that she just goes out without inviting me and often last minute. Especially knowing that we haven’t spent much quality time together in a few weeks.
More recently, my wife and this guy have recently been talking about this cool hike that they want to go on. The only problem is that it would be an overnight trip that they go on, just the two of them. I am bothered by this. I know you can travel with platonic friendships but I can’t help but feel bothered. I really don’t believe she would cheat on me. I just feel like I’ve been moved to second place by my wife as she goes off and has fun with someone she enjoys more. Meanwhile, I’m just the guy that does chores, comforts, and supports. It slso doesn’t help that I’ve only interacted with this guy a few times and usually for not very long. So I don’t really know him that well.
How do I handle this situation? I want to be honest and communicate how I’m feeling but I don’t want to come off as insecure by telling my wife what she can and can’t do. I also know that she is looking forward to this trip and I don’t want to take that away from her. I feel like I’d be selfish to do so in this situation. If I should just let them go, what do I do with what I’m feeling?
Listen up, brother. You need a serious reality check, and I’m here to give it to you. Buckle up, because this might sting a little.
You’re not being insecure. You’re being a doormat. Your wife is walking all over you, and you’re letting her do it with a smile on your face. Wake up!
You say there’s a 0% chance she’s cheating? I’ve got news for you, pal. Emotional affairs are just as damaging as physical ones, and from where I’m sitting, that train has already left the station. Your wife is investing all her time, energy, and emotions into another man. She’s choosing him over you repeatedly, and you’re standing on the sidelines, wringing your hands about being “selfish.”
Let’s break it down: She’s constantly texting this guy, even when she’s with you. She’s going out drinking with him late into the night, without you. And now she’s planning an overnight trip with him, just the two of them. These aren’t just red flags, they’re sirens blaring in your face.
You’re not in second place, my friend. You’re not even in the race anymore. You’ve become the roommate who does the chores while your wife goes off and plays house with her new “friend.”
Here’s what you need to do: Grow a backbone. Right now. Sit your wife down and tell her exactly how you feel. No sugar-coating, no apologizing for your feelings. Be direct. Make it clear that this behavior is unacceptable. Period. It’s disrespectful to you and your marriage. If she wants to go on trips and have late-night drinks, it should be with YOU, her husband. Not some random coworker.
Set clear boundaries. If she can’t respect your feelings and your marriage, then you’ve got some serious decisions to make. This isn’t about controlling her. It’s about having enough self-respect to stand up for yourself and your relationship. Stop worrying about coming off as insecure and start worrying about saving your marriage. Because right now, you’re on a fast track to becoming the ex-husband who never saw it coming.
It’s time to man up and fight for your marriage. If you don’t, who will?