This afternoon, while cleaning, I came across my husband’s credit card statement. Normally, I wouldn’t look closely, but this one was unusually thick. The card is only supposed to be for emergencies, but it had three pages of charges— all to OnlyFans. I was shocked! It was serious money, taken out weekly and paid off from a different account. After checking our online accounts, I discovered almost $4,000 spent over the past three years.
The payments started in November 2020, just before I gave birth to our son in December. So, for the past three years, while raising our child, my husband has been paying for OnlyFans. We’ve been married for five years, together for ten. I’m stunned. My husband has always had a higher sex drive than me, and I’ve been okay with him watching porn since we don’t always match up in that area. But this—OnlyFans—is different.
I’m so confused. He tells me daily how attracted he is to me, how much he loves me, and I don’t know what to think now. This feels like cheating, and it’s bringing up all the hurt from my past. Why the secrecy?
First off, I want to acknowledge how hard this must be for you. Finding something like this is a gut punch, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling hurt, betrayed, and unsure of what to do next.
Here’s the truth: this situation isn’t just about money or sex—it’s about trust, secrecy, and emotional boundaries. It feels like a form of infidelity because, in many ways, it is. This isn’t just a matter of him watching a video and moving on. OnlyFans often involves interaction. He’s likely been chatting with these women, maybe even requesting custom content, and that creates a parasocial relationship. The line between fantasy and real-life engagement gets blurred, and that’s where the betrayal cuts deep.
On top of that, we’re also talking about financial infidelity here. He’s been spending a significant amount of money—your family’s money—on something he’s hidden from you. Almost $4,000 over three years? That’s not a one-off mistake; that’s a pattern of deceit. He’s been siphoning money into something you didn’t agree to, and that erodes trust, not just in a romantic sense but in how you both handle finances and make decisions as partners.
Now, before you jump to conclusions, this isn’t about blowing up and immediately assuming the worst. But it is about having a brutally honest conversation. You need to sit down with him and ask for the truth. No more hiding behind vague explanations. You deserve to know what he’s been doing, why he’s been doing it, and what this means for your relationship moving forward.
This also brings up a bigger question: what are your boundaries? Because it’s clear he’s crossed some major ones—emotionally, financially, and maybe even sexually. You need to think about what you need to feel safe and respected in this relationship. Is this something you can work through together, or is this a deal-breaker for you? Only you can answer that.
But the key here is clarity. Don’t ignore this or sweep it under the rug. It’s time for transparency and truth, no matter how hard that conversation might be. You’ve been through enough in past relationships to know what betrayal feels like, and this situation has brought up that same pain. So, don’t settle for half-truths or excuses. You deserve full honesty.
You’ve got the strength to face this, and you’ve got the right to expect more from your relationship. It’s time to get real about where you go from here.