My girlfriend of 6 months who I love with all my heart has decided to test our relationship, or more specifically me.
Now I show a lot of affection to her, tell her I love her daily and in my eyes treat her very well, go out for food and drinks, help Build up her positivity and really try to show her that she is worthy of being happy.
Last night on the phone after a NYE party at her aunties house, she told me that her family (who I met for the first time) think that I love the concept/idea of being in a relationship but don’t love her. They told her that I would do anything for her even if it meant being unhappy and this has caused her to question if I really love her or if that I just like the idea of having a girlfriend and anyone could fit the role and the connection is not real.
So my girlfriend said that she needs to find this out and the only way is to test me and find out if doing the relationship for the right reasons. Now to me this feels wrong as I feel like it’s a game and my decisions would be based not on natural instinct or love but would make me question myself.
I feel like if she has to do these “tests” then there is major doubt in her mind and that I feel we are doome. Has anyone had anything similar to this scenario or if not how would you feel if you were being tested?
First off, let me say this—love isn’t a game, and relationships shouldn’t feel like one either. What you’re describing here feels like you’re being put on trial, like you’re constantly having to prove that you’re enough. And let me be real with you: that’s exhausting, and it’s not how a healthy relationship should feel.
Here’s the deal: Relationships thrive on trust, communication, and mutual respect. If your girlfriend is feeling insecure or unsure about the relationship, that’s something the two of you need to talk through together. Testing you, trying to put you through emotional hoops, isn’t the answer. It sounds like you’re already showing up in all the ways you know how—affection, support, being there for her. But if she can’t see that, no amount of tests is going to change her mind. That’s an issue that needs to be unpacked with her, not by putting you through a trial.
Here’s what I’d suggest: Have an honest conversation with her. Tell her how you’re feeling. Let her know that you care about her deeply, but this “testing” business is making you feel like you’re being treated as less than a partner—like you’re a contestant in a relationship game show instead of her boyfriend. Express that love should be about building each other up, not creating situations that make one person question themselves.
At the end of the day, you’ve got to decide if this relationship is truly a place where you can thrive. If you constantly feel like you’re being measured or doubted, that’s going to take a toll on your emotional health. You can’t carry a relationship on your back. You can’t convince someone to trust you; they have to choose to trust you.
So here’s the bottom line: Be honest with her, but also be honest with yourself. If this testing is a dealbreaker for you, that’s okay to acknowledge. Relationships aren’t supposed to feel like a high-stakes exam where your worth is constantly questioned. They should feel like a place where you can show up as yourself—flaws and all—and still be loved. And if that’s not what you’re getting, it’s worth thinking about what you’re really signing up for here.